It's All Good

It's All Good

A Poem by Jacqueline

It doesn’t seem to bother you, like it does me. You’ve got new friends and you seem happy.
Honestly, I’m glad. Admittedly it hurts, and it makes me sad, but it’s okay because sometimes I think all I’ll ever really have are my words.
Not that I’ll share them with you...Not that I haven’t tried…

At times my mind gets too scrambled from distractions and I get carried away in the brawl between my head and my heart and before you know it I’m knees to chest rocking back & forth alone in the dark.
Then I think, “why aren’t you here though?”
I could conjure a guess but it would be messy and dark in its roots,
and probably say more about my perception of me, than actual truth.

I know you hate to reminisce the past and you hate to fight.
Maybe that’s why you distanced yourself from my life.
I bought happy but it didn’t fit and now I’m trying to sell it to you on the internet.
I’m good! Stay positive! Mind on my goals, eyes on the prize. I have new friends, new clothes, a new life....

And I was trying, I really was. To stay true to rising above. To let this go.
And I'm doing okay, great at times.


But then your dad died….
And even though I wasn't a fan, I cried.

Because I knew I'd have to help you from the sidelines.
Knowing the best thing I could give you was my absence. And I asked myself: how could two people so in sync for the past 10 years become this?

I know I'm selfish but sometimes I miss you so much that I can't help it.  

But that's over now. I’ve stopped reaching out to you and your new crowd.

And I’m happier, I guess, when I’m attempting to care less...
Knowing that from far away, what looks good isn’t always best.
Like it is gold, but it’s actually rust.
A depressing glimpse from a past life that I can no longer trust.
Maybe, someday, this will sort itself out organically and maybe I think of you how you think of me… but probably not.

Because when they ask about our pinky-swear bond, you just shrug, “I don’t know, I guess we’ve moved on…”

And so we will. And so it will be.
We’ll see each other out and we’ll be friendly. And then we’ll part ways, in another informal goodbye.

Because if you don’t care, then neither do I.


© 2017 Jacqueline



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Zoe
Aw, I've never read something more touching and bittersweet than this. The calm and usual tone you maintained throughout came out really well. Beautifully penned!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Jacqueline

5 Months Ago

Thank you!! I appreciate your review and your kind words
Zoe

5 Months Ago

Most welcome

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Added on July 8, 2017
Last Updated on July 8, 2017
Tags: friendship, girl friends, sad, depressing, poetry, sad poetry, expression, spoken word

Author

Jacqueline
Jacqueline

Minnesota, WI



About
I walk through life imagining events that have yet to happen. I yearn for adventure and passion. I'm let down so often by everyone I meet so I spend a lot of time alone. I'm a writer, a philosopher, a.. more..

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A Poem by Jacqueline