It's All Good

It doesn’t seem to bother you, like it does me. You’ve got new friends and you seem happy.
Honestly, I’m glad. Admittedly it hurts, and it makes me sad, but it’s okay because sometimes I think all I’ll ever really have are my words.
Not that I’ll share them with you...Not that I haven’t tried…

At times my mind gets too scrambled from distractions and I get carried away in the brawl between my head and my heart and before you know it I’m knees to chest rocking back & forth alone in the dark.
Then I think, “why aren’t you here though?”
I could conjure a guess but it would be messy and dark in its roots,
and probably say more about my perception of me, than actual truth.

I know you hate to reminisce the past and you hate to fight.
Maybe that’s why you distanced yourself from my life.
I bought happy but it didn’t fit and now I’m trying to sell it to you on the internet.
I’m good! Stay positive! Mind on my goals, eyes on the prize. I have new friends, new clothes, a new life....

And I was trying, I really was. To stay true to rising above. To let this go.
And I'm doing okay, great at times.

But then your dad died….
And even though I wasn't a fan, I cried.

Because I knew I'd have to help you from the sidelines.
Knowing the best thing I could give you was my absence. And I asked myself: how could two people so in sync for the past 10 years become this?

I know I'm selfish but sometimes I miss you so much that I can't help it.  

But that's over now. I’ve stopped reaching out to you and your new crowd.

And I’m happier, I guess, when I’m attempting to care less...
Knowing that from far away, what looks good isn’t always best.
Like it is gold, but it’s actually rust.
A depressing glimpse from a past life that I can no longer trust.
Maybe, someday, this will sort itself out organically and maybe I think of you how you think of me… but probably not.

Because when they ask about our pinky-swear bond, you just shrug, “I don’t know, I guess we’ve moved on…”

And so we will. And so it will be.
We’ll see each other out and we’ll be friendly. And then we’ll part ways, in another informal goodbye.

Because if you don’t care, then neither do I.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Words are good to have. They often can be our savior, as poets.
I have felt what this poem speaks of....feeling the other doesn't care, and coming to that point myself.
I have experienced this with family.
j.

[Chris]

Perhaps these words to end with - perhaps after all "...but then again I'll ALWAYS care... it's how I am
and you've always known that."

[Planet x]

it's so sad , but it was written with your tears and I love it
Powerful and emotional like only real poets can express their emotions ,
I hope you could move on

[Salem Fitzgerald]

Thank you

[Salem Fitzgerald]

It gets a little easier everyday!

[Zoya]

Aw, I've never read something more touching and bittersweet than this. The calm and usual tone you maintained throughout came out really well. Beautifully penned!

[Salem Fitzgerald]

Thank you!! I appreciate your review and your kind words

[Zoya]

Most welcome