INITIATION ULTIMATE, Chapter 19.1: Narrated by Tharseo

The isolation is catching up with Tharseo...

            Humans are supposed to have contact with other humans, or at least hear the voice of another occasionally.  Three weeks after my encounter with the barbarian leader, aka the last real person that I’ve seen and spoken to, I find myself hearing things that don't exist.  Seeing things that don't exist.  Speaking to myself just for the hell of it.  On what feels like a Wednesday, I actually begin questioning my sanity, and then questioning why I haven't actually questioned it before.  What do you do when you're a kid, all alone and going crazy?  Hell if I know...

            If anyone knew anything, that anyone would have to be Unari.  I do remember the first day of my Initiations, when he had offered me seaweed for my issues.  If I had to guess, the seaweed must've been modified or genetically engineered.  Not that I know much about seaweed.  Maybe all seaweed has healing properties.  All I know is that I should find some if I want to retain my sanity.  That is, if I haven't lost it already.

            "Get with it, Tharseo!" I yell outside, listening to my echo.  "Tharseo!  Seo!  Seo!  Seo..."

            Emptiness.  Wilderness.  Loneliness.  Hmm, I guess I've always felt a bit lonely...  Boredom...  

 

Forget the Cantiko.  I'm going to the beach.  Slinging a rifle over my shoulder, I walk until I reach the surrounding stone wall, and then I search the wall until I find a passage.  Eventually I find myself standing on the sandy beach, white sand leading out into the clear ocean waters.  Hello, outside world!

 

***

 

            Procrastinating on getting the seaweed, I do something I’ve missed out on for a while now:  Play.  No other Initiates can see me, so why not?  Hot sand runs through my fingers and I bury myself in it, savoring the warmth of the sun upon my body.  I bet I'll feel the burn tomorrow, but right now excitement gets the best of me. I look to the stone wall as a climbing opportunity, and after daring myself to reach the top, I perch high above the Initiations. 

The canopies of trees hang over my head like an umbrella, and I grab a thick branch and hoist myself onto the top.  I feel like I can see everything from here, including the little peak a ways behind me where I had met Demon Unari on Day One.  That day, I had felt like I was a prisoner enclosed inside the Island.  Outside the walls, I have finally discovered a sense of freedom.  Living without the limits of society for a year?  Despite the loneliness and times where I question my sanity, it really can’t be that bad, can it? Better than hiding in my room whenever the doorbell would ring, or continuously looking into the eyes of my pitying, estranged caretakers.  Isn’t this freedom what I wanted the whole time?

My mind immediately begins debating the question of freedom, and Unari’s bleeding body surfaces in my thoughts. Freedom comes with a price, and I can’t afford the costs.  Aren’t the Creatorians watching me, anyways?  Regardless of my feeling of freedom, I’m not really free…  Depressing memories begin to cloud my mind, and I push them under the surface for now.  I’m getting better at hiding them.

 

            In the direction of the beach, the deep blue waters spread for miles until they fade into the horizon.  Although a spectacular view, what catches my attention the most is vast sandbar that stretches from the Island Initiations to the traditional Initiations. It’s most likely shallow enough to walk across, but my intuition tells me not to.  If it was so easy to escape into the Initiations from here, why would the U15 bother putting the troublemakers on the Island?  Perhaps our decision to cross or not would be a reflection of our bravery... or stupidity.  From my perch, I can't see any Cantiko swimming within the waters, but who knows how well they can camouflage themselves?  I’m positive that the sound of shooting that I hear in the nighttime is not one of my fantasies. There must be lot of predators out there, regardless of how many I can see at the moment.  It would be insanity for me to cross over, no matter how easy it looks at first glance.

 

            Life could be good here, if I let it. I have no competitors, Unari’s resources, and the only person I can trust, myself.  If I didn’t have to worry about the threat of Cantiko, Creatorians, sickness, or mental illness, life could be even better.  If only I could at least communicate with the Initiates on the other side, I’d be golden!  And it would be great to know that Amor’s okay down there, with his laziness and all.  If he’s down there at all…  Here comes the depressing memories all over again.

            An image of Sofos handing me items in the city alleyway enters my thoughts.  I wonder how he’s doing, too.  I could use some weaponry practice down here, and I bet he’d prefer the summery temperatures of the Initiations to the bitter temperatures of the Tokashiina county.  It’s a miracle he can even function in the cold with that dilapidated little hut of his.  After my time down in the Initiations, I can’t even imagine what the cold would feel like now.

            Guilt rushes through my veins yet again.  Sofos had to give up his mansion as a futile attempt to protect me, and I couldn’t even deliver his gifts to Amor!  How ungrateful can I be?

            Hold on a second, now…  Sofos’s gifts!

 

***

            Late at night, I lay awake in the upstairs of Unari’s house, Sofos’s papers and flashlight clutched to my chest.  Morse code.  That’s what was on these papers…  I understand its purpose now.  Sofos must have realized that, if I happened to survive the Naming Ceremony, I’d be sent to the Islands.  He had given me an opportunity to speak to Amor, and I have blown it.  “It’s not really your fault,” I whisper to myself.  “If your sword hadn’t been stolen, you’d have been able to give it to Amor…”

            “Who needs Amor, now?”

            “I do.  He’s the only one who would have been able to communicate with me.”

            “Hah, Amor would’ve lost the papers, anyways.  You know how responsible that kid is.”

            “Yes, but he’s better than nobody!”

            “Who says you have nobody, Tharseo?  Maybe someone else in the Initiations knows Morse Code, too.”

            “Doubt it.  I even doubt that Amor’s alive.”

            “Stop doubting.”

            “STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF!”  Aggravated, I stuff a piece of dried seaweed into my mouth, the overbearing saltiness giving me the urge to gag.  Since I don’t know how to purify seaweed, I had let it hang in the sun until all the water had evaporated from it.  The saltiness left inside the seaweed makes me rush to the water buckets and purifier set up in Unari’s kitchen, where I am met with an issue.  Even in the darkness, it’s not hard to see that I’m running low; hopefully it rains soon so that I can collect more water.  With the amount of seaweed I’ll be eating in the future, I’ll need it.

Author's Note

A relatively uneventful chapter...