This is Just Who I Am: part 2

This is Just Who I Am: part 2

A Story by Victoria

based on life in central valley mexican influence

Hola, I'm Victor this is my story. The first time I saw someone die I was twelve. My family and I were in the car singing the Mexican ballads of my childhood, when someone pulled up next to us and shot, a clear tinny sound of a bullet. My father cried out clutching his chest, he was a cholo the o.g he knew this could happen and it did. My mama had also been shot once clear threw the head. After, I ran away avoiding the life of a hustler in poor San Fernando, so I ran to the Central Valley. Shortly after I met my wife Sandra with big hair and glossy lips. She was only 16 when we had Roberto I was 18, I remember she cried all day panicking. She had to tell her parents and they kicked her out, so she moved in with me and my Tia Lupe. We named him Roberto after my father, and amazing enough he was just as mean as he was also just as full of heart. 
Now, I'm 32 still working three jobs so my baby Sandra doesn't worry about money. She thinks I don't care but I do I never want her to work as hard as I do, I want her to enjoy everything and not stress. I don't think she knows that I still carry around the first photo of us she was big and round, eyes crinkled, squinting, mouth open laughing. The photo is all her, I look like the supporting actor and she has the lead role. That's the thing she is the love of my life, ella es mi vida, she is my life, therefore she does have the lead role. She's 30 years old and still so beautiful she has new crinkles around her always laughing eyes, her body like a map to all the places she's been and the places she'll go. Es mi vida, mis ninos, y mi esposa.

© 2017 Victoria

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Nicely done Victoria. I think if you keep going with this and continue the story from each of your original characters, then by the time you have introduced each of them to us, you will have come up with many ideas and create a good mix, building the characters and how they interact. These are great exercises to try because they will open up your mind to other possibilities as the tale unfolds. I would suggest that you perhaps title each one like "This is just who I am - Victor", so that it builds up and people can tell the difference between chapters. Or even just part one, two etc.
It's funny, but the art that stood out here for me was describing the gunshot. We do not have guns here, but I have fired some guns and rifles when I was in the army cadets, and I was very surprised, especially with handguns, of how tinny and insignificant the sound seems to be, like you almost expect a deafening roar, but it's more like a wet paper bag bursting. At least it was in my case :)
Great work so far. Hope you keep going with this :)

Posted 1 Year Ago

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1 Review
Added on April 17, 2017
Last Updated on May 1, 2017



reedley, CA

im a 18 years old and I love simple poetry. more..

Yearn Yearn

A Poem by Victoria