My anxiety

I suffer from anxiety.. still, to this day. But it's not as bad now as it was a few years ago; and today I was reminiscing what it was like to be in the middle of a full blown panic attack at its peak. For me, it was like (for the sake of describing this) "locked-in syndrome". Obviously not literally... but I was in there, I was still me, people would say things like "he's crazy" or "weirdo" and just totally not even try to understand what might have been happening to me. (Which now looking back on makes me very disappointed with how humans are, I mean - if I see people who might be "acting strange" - I know it's for a reason and I will try and understand, not call then names ffs and make them feel like s**t; make them feel like they're not normal!!! What the f**k is wrong with people? Goes back to what I posted earlier - people just like to see other people fail and be upset.. They get some sort of sick pleasure out of it that makes them feel better about themselves; even for only a brief moment... God I hate it!! Is it just Western culture? Is it just in capitalist countries?) Anyway, lt felt like I was Locked-in. I knew I was acting this way, I could see myself acting this way, but I was powerless to stop it; and, in fact, it just gets worse. Screaming at yourself inside "why the f**k are you acting this way" and then calling yourself a weirdo, slagging yourself off and running home to be alone !!! But then even when you're at home alone trying to forget what just happened - that same terrifying situation I would play over and over in my head all day and all night, loosing sleep, cursing myself and wondering why I can't be normal!! And if I'm the only one who suffered with this s**t!! Is that what its like for other people? Does the description "locked-in" fit with anyone else?
It's a horrible thing to go through and if anyone is there right now, I can only give you my sympathy and say ... it gets better, slowly!! But I learnt to live with it and deal with the situations in my own way... and I suppose that's what you'll do too, if you're in that place, I mean.

Reviews

[Patrick Ramsey]

Panic attacks suck, as does anxiety! I'd say "looked in" sounds a lot like my perception when I think people are paying more attention to me than they are. It comes with anxiety and being uncomfortable. Usually, it's not about you. Or if it is about you, it's just them feeling uncomfortable about the whole thing. I'm with you. If people stepped into the experience of a panic attack or anxiety in general, then there would be a lot of empathy that come with the territory.

[vigilantebastard]

I agree totally!