My Fears

The things I can't tell anybody else.

I'm seething, scared, lonely, ungracious, envious, jealous, pining, unloving, ignorant,  blind, and detached.

 I'm sick, tired, raging, crazed, inadequate, unworthy, and sad. Immensely sad. These may not be your thoughts, but I'm sure you've thought them every once in a while.

These are the words I wish I could say. The words I want to tell my family, my friends, and the one I love. But how could I?

How can I tell them that I feel empty inside? That no matter who's around me, I feel alone.

How can I tell them that I feel cold, and stony? That I'm just a marble statue with flesh pretending to be living.

How can I tell them that I feel broken? That I've fallen, and I don't know how to get back up.

How can I tell them that I feel ugly? That I'm disgusted by my appearance.

How can I tell him that I still love him? That I'm still waiting for him to see me.

How can I tell them I'm rotten? That my insides are decaying with every thought.

How can I tell them I'm afraid? That I may never be with anyone, and maybe I shouldn't.

How can I tell them anything? I've forgotten how to speak. I was born with the inability to convey.

How can I tell them anything? I don't want them to see inside.

How can I tell them anything? I don't need the criticism. ( I give myself enough).

How can I tell them anything? Their stares will hurt me.

How can I tell them anything? They want their turn to speak.

What do I do? Lord God can you tell me? I try to have faith, but I feel it slipping. I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

I'm lost and in the dark. I hope I find the light, and that I never stop searching.

Author's Note

Ignore my horrible grammar! Feedback is recommended, and thank you for reading!

Reviews

[Alucard6336]

Interesting, so you are alone in the dark? Dangerous creatures like me lurk in the dark, so I'd be afraid! Ha ha just kidding.

However, why would your faith slip, hypotherically. Faith is defined as a belief in the unseen. So, does that mean if a spirit is around, do you have faith to believe in it? Maybe. But let me tell you this. I exist, and I am some bizarre combination of beast and man. I'm not sure if one such as my nature is classified as one from the creator, but I am that I am, so therefore I am real. Long story short, if this story is personal, indeed believe! The creator spirit is just as real as the grays. Food for thought.


Awesome job, I enjoyed this :) great work ;)

[Ji Sung Moon]

I will expect another story from you that helped you get through this!

[Victoria]

Aww thank you! I hope so too.