DIANE'S DISASTROUS DATEA Poem by Viv Wade Diane thought the date was going well, until... Diane heaved a loud sigh, and then picked up her
ringing phone. She almost hadn’t answered, pretended she wasn’t
home. Her mom rang twenty times a day to bend her
daughter’s ear, (She was the type of woman who has verbal
diarrhoea.) “Hello, Diane,” a manly voice came smoothly down
the line, “I thought I’d ring and ask you out, if you are
free sometime? If you would like, I’ll pick you up and take you
out tonight. We’ll go to that new bistro in the High Street,
that alright?”
Diane was stunned - she recognised the voice of
Michael Kerr! She’d always fancied him, but didn’t think he’d
noticed her. “OK!” she squeaked, then cleared her throat. “Please pick me up at seven!” “Will do,” said Mike, and rang off. Diane raised her eyes to heaven. “Oh, thank you, God!” she said out loud, “You’ve
answered all my prayers!” “But what to wear?” she panicked, as she hurried up
the stairs.
Diane looked in her wardrobe, but her clothes did
not inspire. She needed something ravishing, that Michael would
admire. Before she closed the door, she spotted something
at the bottom. A dress she’d bought and never worn, one she’d
almost forgotten. She pulled it out, and tried it on, and looked at
her reflection. It really was a gorgeous frock, sartorial
perfection! In deepest red, with plunging neck, and clever
bodice tucks, It pushed bits up, and pulled bits in - she looked
a million bucks! Diane knew that she looked just right, this was the
perfect dress To wear on her hot date tonight, she knew she would
impress. At seven, she was waiting for her gallant beau to
knock, Her make-up and her hair done, and new shoes to
match the frock. Then just as she began to fear that Michael
wouldn’t show, He rapped upon the door. She gasped, “He’s here, it’s time to go!”
He drove her to the restaurant beneath the moonlit
skies, And as he parked the car, he turned and gazed into
her eyes. He told her she looked beautiful as they sat at the
table. He looked so very handsome, like a modern day Clark
Gable. The evening went so perfectly, they talked, and
laughed, and smiled. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her, he clearly was
beguiled. A violin serenaded them, Mike gave Diane a rose, And as he paid the bill, she said, “I’ll just
powder my nose.”
“I can’t believe my luck!” she thought, while
seated on the toilet. “This really is the perfect date, there’s not a
thing to spoil it. I’m sure he’ll ask me out again, tonight is just
the start. I really think I am the girl to capture Michael’s
heart!”
She washed her hands, and left the room, but as she
crossed the floor, From somewhere close behind her, she could hear a
loud guffaw. Another laugh, and then a giggle, someone gave a
shout! Diane could not help wondering what they all
laughed about. She turned around to find the cause of all the
diners’ snickers, And glancing down, she saw her dress was tucked up
in her knickers!
She blushed bright red! She knew this would haunt her mind for weeks. How could this have happened - she’d shown
everyone both cheeks! And worse than that, for trailed across the bistro,
from the loo, A length of toilet paper, which had stuck onto her
shoe! She looked across at Michael, hoped he had not seen
her plight, But he was staring straight at her, his lips were
closed up tight. She quickly pulled her dress down, took the paper
off her shoe, As Michael said, “I think I’d better take you home,
don’t you?”
They drove back home in silence, Michael never made
a sound. Diane wished she could disappear, just vanish
underground. They parked outside her house, she said, “Shall I
expect your call?” He said, “I wouldn’t hold your breath, there is no
point at all. This must be the most mortifying evening I have
had, And if we never meet again, I will be very glad. You made me look a laughing stock, in such a public
place. I thought you were a cool chick, but you’re really
a disgrace!”
Diane stared back at Michael, saying, “You thought
I was cool? Well, I thought you were too, but you are just a
pompous fool! And there’s another thing - here, you can keep your
rotten rose!” And as she spoke, she grasped the flower, and
shoved it up his nose.
She got out of the car, went in the house, and
slammed the door, Then sobbed her broken heart out, lying on the bedroom
floor. And early the next morning, when her crying was all
done,
She went down to the convent, and she enrolled as a
nun. © 2016 Viv WadeAuthor's Note
Featured Review
Reviews
|
StatsAuthor
Viv WadeBlack Country, West Midlands, United KingdomAboutI always thought I’d like to write A bestseller or two, So I resolved to have a go, And see what I could do. I got my trusty laptop out, Placed it on the table, Plugged it in to charge it .. more..Writing
|
![[send message]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/mail.png){kind=small}
![[befriend]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/friend.png){kind=small}
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Flag Writing
