HELL HATH NO FURY

Revenge is a dish best served cold...

When I went out to do some shopping,

Just the other week,

A man I used to know came up

And pecked me on the cheek.

It was my ex-fiancé, Bill,

Who dumped me years before!

He broke my poor old heart in two,

And smashed it on the floor.

I’ve married someone else since then,

A man who’s good and kind,

Yet memories of that heartache

Still linger in my mind.

 

“Hello!” Bill said, “Remember me? 

It’s been the longest time!

You haven’t changed a bit, you know,

You really look sublime!”

“Hello,” I said,

“I almost didn’t recognise you there,

Perhaps because you’ve put on weight,

And lost a lot of hair.”

 

We chatted for a minute,

Then I said I had to go.

“Please let me drive you home,” Bill said,

“It’s chilly out, you know.

And maybe we could take a detour,

Just for old time’s sake,

And park up in our favourite place,

Which overlooks the lake.”

 

I pondered for a little while,

And then I said, “OK,

It would be nice to revisit the lakeside,

On the way.”

We walked across the parking lot,

To where he’d left his car,

It looked like an expensive one,

A flashy Jaguar.

 

We drove up to the lakeside,

And Bill parked in our old place,

I recognised desire

Written all across his face.

Bill said, “Let’s take a stroll

Out to that clearing, by the trees,

I could bring along a blanket...” 

“OK,” I smiled, “Yes please!”

Bill jumped out of the car,

And then my hands began to shake,

As stealthily I reached across

And disengaged the brake...

 

I got out of the Jag,

And went to follow my ex-love,

And as I passed behind the car,

I gave it quite a shove.

I joined my ex, who gazed at me,

His eyes were filled with hope.

He never even noticed

As his car rolled down the slope.

 

And as Bill’s hands caressed my face

All over, like a rash,

From somewhere close behind us both,

We heard a massive SPLASH!

Bill turned around to look,

Then gasped, and did a double take,

When he saw his beloved car

Was floating in the lake!

 

“My car!” he yelled,

“I’m sure I put the brake on like I oughta,

So how come it went down the slope,

And landed in the water?”

Bill ran down to the water’s edge,

Whimpering like a fool,

And kicking both his trainers off,

He jumped into the pool.

Bill grabbed hold of the car’s bumper,

And tried to drag it out.

“Don’t just stand there,

Come here and help me, quick!”  I heard him shout.

 

“Oh, what a shame!” I sweetly said,

“But please don’t make a fuss.

Don’t worry how you’ll drive me home "

I’ll just hop on a bus!”

And with a wave, I walked away,

And left Bill standing there,

Shivering in dirty water,

With wet leaves in his hair.

 

And as I left I shouted out,

“Consider yourself warned,

To never underestimate

A woman who’s been scorned!”

Author's Note

If you enjoyed this poem, why not check out my new book entitled, ‘Things Can Only Get Verse' - a collection of humorous poems on a variety of subjects, including: social network addiction, self-service checkout machines, having a hangover, internet dating, dieting, online auctions, getting older, and more. Available on Amazon for only £4.00/$6.00. Life is more fun when it rhymes!

Reviews

[JoeM]

Do you know, I started to doubt you for an instant, until the hand-came off.
Keep writing them, hang on a minute, until I wipe my laughter tears away.

[Viv Wade]

Glad you liked this one, Joe. This wasn't based on something that actually happened, but it is something that I wish I'd had the opportunity to do...

[Chris]

Now this one was cute... chuckling here... and righteous.

[Chris]

Sweet horns too!

[Viv Wade]

Well, we've all got a little devil inside us, it's good to let it out sometimes!

[Chris]

Makes the world a better place.

[Samuel Dickens]

Ha! She sure showed him! Next time, he'll take her to the lake in the Yugo. (Oh, that poor Jaguar) A great little tale.

[Viv Wade]

Thanks Sam, glad you enjoyed it!