A Mad Luncheon

A story inspired by a contest about insanity. I hope you like it.

     I had always thought of myself as a bit mad. Yet I never discovered true madness until just a while back. It all started out at lunch. My friend and I had decided to eat out in an abandoned park: we were always the adventurous sort. We were eating, laughing, talking, when all of a sudden, a bee stung me. But not just any bee. A blue bee.
     "Ow." I said in a passive manner, not too concerned with my recent injury, but with the strange color of the bee that stung me. "What do you think is wrong with it, Steve?"
     "I dunno man. But there was some serious vibe coming from that thing. I think you should get that checked out."
     "Yeah..." I was about to get up when I noticed something odd about my messenger bag I had brought. A blue caterpillar was on it. It looked up at me and said, I kid you not: "Who are you???", while puffing smoke rings in my face. I laughed, saying "You MUST be kidding me."
     "What? What are you looking at?" said Steve. I began to explain that a strange caterpillar made one of the most obvious Alice in Wonderland references of all time when I noticed that the caterpillar was gone.
     "That's weird," I said. "I could have sworn that it was on my bag just a second ago!"
     "Huh." said Steve. "That's messed up." I agreed. I began to wonder about what would've caused me to see such a thing.
     "Maybe it was-" I stopped dead in my sentence. The friend that I had previously been eating with had suddenly become a rabbit. In a waistcoat. With a pocket watch. "If some Alice in Wonderland phsyco-nut is trying to pull a prank, it's not funny!" I shouted at the rabbit and anything that could hear me.
     "What are you talking about?" said the rabbit.
     "You....you can talk???"
     "Yeah, man. It's me: Steve."
     "N-no you're not! You're that White Rabbit guy!" This statement caused the rabbit to start expressing true concern about my mental, and physical health.
     "Are you okay? You look really pale..."
     Then all of a sudden, the flowers interrupted him. "Oh he just doesn't understand," they mused. "Now go back to enjoying your luncheon."
     "I would," I replied to the flowers, "But look at the ti-" I was shocked as I looked at my watch. Time. Stood. Still. The hands started shouting out in protest as I attempted to coax them into moving.
     "No!" they shouted. "We will NOT move! There is no law in the land that says we must.
     "Fair enough," I said, but could you PLEASE move? For me?"
     "No!"
     I sighed. In what manner COULD I convince these stubborn hands. "What do you think, rabbit?"
     "Um...I think I'm just gonna go. You REALLY should get that sting looked at. I think it's driving you insane, dude!" said the rabbit nervously as he hopped away.
     I giggled. "He's just shy around other things," I explained to my new friends. For some reason, I had begun to understand the new world around me. "But would you happen to know of anyone to share my meal with me?"
     "Oh!" cried the flowers excitedly. "There is both mouse and a hare that are just as mad as you to talk to."
     "Excellent." I said. I was going mad, as mad as a hatter, and enjoying every minute of it as I prepared for my eternal luncheon with my new friends.  

Author's Note

This is my first story, so I would LOVE feedback. Thanks.

Reviews

[Red]

This was pretty entertaining. there were a few, small errors, but you can't really notice them. Hopefully I wasn't the only one to realize that the rabbit was his own friend. Anyways, I do think this could have been a little longer, but I'm not saying to change anything at all. I can't wait to read more of your work!

[Mark]

For a first story, I think this was a fine effort! I might have hoped for some sort of a wrap-up, a conclusion, letting me in on what has actually transpired...or not. Was the bee symbolic of something? Did she accidentally dip her powderpuff into the PCP, instead of the face powder? Perhaps a flashback from an earlier experimentation? Or is she really truly going spontaneously mad? (I have always thought that Lewis Carroll, a notorious opium addict, wrote "Through the Looking Glass" while QUITE stoned! Hence the pills to "make you bigger" or "make you smaller".)
But all told, a really nice story. Good flow. Persuasive dialogue. Well-paced.

[Grace Catherine C.]

Congrats on 3rd place in my contest. As an Alice in Wonderland (both the original and new Tim Burton) lover I absolutely adore this story. It IS kind of slow in the begining, but it definetly picks up. It's a very light, fun, mad story.

[alice]

The beginning was pretty slow, you could spruce that up a bit. But, it was entertaining, very descriptive without doing a crap load of info-dump. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[JelliFyshKissUs]

This is amazing. The dialog is so realistic. Very creative. And I love the white stuff. By white stuff I mean short paragraphs that give us plenty of pause. Makes the thoughts run so smoothly. Bravo, my friend.

[Cherrie Palmer]

I would like to see a little more space inbetween the dialog. It helps push
the reader along. A quick re-read (out loud) will help you fix any issues, this is a cute tale.

[Annie29]

Good Alice in Wonderland theme (:

[Ecros Lathes]

I love the alice in wonderland theme it is really good

[Holly-Marie]

I came back to read this again and in all honesty I would actually make it longer. You could do so much with this and I would love to read a longer story made from this =)

[Holly-Marie]

How i love the hatter ^_^ Wonderful story. The last two lines were wonderful. It made me smile. Great read.