Whispers

The sun eclipses
Spreading darkness over me
She stands out of reach

Reviews

[Gandré]

I think this is a well deserved 3rd place in this contest...lots of impression within one line...- the sun eclipses that s beautiful!
spreading darkness over me - also psychologically subtle & beautiful, can be everything. the reader is deciding where to the story is going to....
she stands out of reach - now we know it! in the 2nd line he just recongnized that he won't get her. or...she is just not available for him...what a wonderful senryu. my favorite of those. (except my...ha ha.)

bravo, congrat.
lara gandr�

[Celtic Cat]

Well, I think it rocks myself. You're saying so much in so little, and your form is perfect. You tie it up nicely with the third line, leaving us wondering if there was a sun at all, or if it was just her leaving which spread the darkness. I think it's perfect.

[Davia Lynn Bradley]

very symbolic, I love it.

[Bryce Simonds]

This was really good. So meaningful and it was only 12 words long. That's hard to do. Good job.

[Thea M. Joy]

This is a perfect senryu...you stuck with the 5-7-5 syllable rule and it says a lot with so little. It's easily understood that darkness surrounds you because she's out of your reach. It's about unrequited love I assume. Very nice. :)