Get Over It

A time in life when I went thru something no one should ever have to, and yet everyone's advice so apathetically removed was "get over it"... and how it affected me in the process of healing.

 This was written some time ago, venting of course, letting go of some unresolved feelings from a very unsettling time in my life.  It is quite harsh, very raw, but also very real and true from what I was feeling and going thru at the time.  This is not in any way representative of any life event or occurance in the here and now, if that were the case, I am not so sure I would be quite that brave enough to share it.  This was merely a time, experience and feeling gone through in the past and nothing more.  It brought much strength and growth, and healing in the process.  I share it in hopes that it may do the same for someone else out there, as we never really entirely know what others are going thru behind the privacy of fake smiles and closed doors.

 

GET OVER IT

Instability only describes me

when I've lost my security

I carried the beginning of what could've been another you

but I dropped it along the way wasn't a thing I could do

so I'm told, so I'm told

 

Its ok you are not yet old

you have plenty of time for that down the road

but they don't know where that road goes

or where the road I'm on now is headed toward

It wasn't something we could afford

It is a blessing in disguise

It will only take the time to realize

In God's timing, it wasn't meant to be

but hearing all of that doesn't stop what is killing me

IT was not an IT at all to me

 

IT was my heart my soul, my hearts desperate call

IT was a part of you and a part of me

and IT being gone now has caused so much bad to be

since I became one from being once two

my heart is sore with aching, I don't know what to do

So now that I am only me, and no one knows who that is anymore

they tell me I'm unstable I'm not the Jamie they knew before

I lost my job and my hearts cry too

and they wonder why I'm so confused

 

I've always held it together, there for everyone else in need

and now that I need help who will take the lead ?

Its different when its me, its not a time of needing help

but a sign of instability a lack of being able to get past myself

I just need to keep on going, wake up everyday early in the morning

no longer with morning sickness or getting to work without getting a warning

but wake up to nothing, inside or out

just the crashing silence of a dirty house

I'm not trying hard enough to take control to move on

to suck it up and just find the next crap job

so I can wake up and pay the bills and have insurance

doing something for nothing that is worth it

It all makes sense to me you know because I've been here before

I'm always giving all I can and everyone is always needing more

 

the story of my life, can't make it right

for everyone who counts on me to save my life

If I fall does the world really fall apart with me ?

I was once two and now, I'm one again, so lonely

had a part of you inside of me that I loved so much

it wasn't even big enough to see or to touch

 

but I got to carry you with me everywhere I went & all was fine in the world

but now I see I'm just an immature and unstable little girl

not ready to be two, can't even handle one

I look at yesterday from today and cant even recall what I've done

where have I come from ?

How did I get here, broke, without a job, without a part of you inside of me

lost myself when I lost that too but its ok "it just wasn't meant to be"