That Girl

This is something that i got bored and wrote...its pretty lame! I'm sorry! haha.

I have always wanted to be that girl.

the one you walk with in the hall,

the one that you would always see,

the one you would always call.

 

But i can't be, and you don't care,

all you do is walk and stare,

you stare past me, and down the hall,

like i'm not there, i'm part of the wall.

 

Two years have passed, and we have both grown up,

i'm not that girl anymore, my time has come.

We talk for hours, and we laugh.

About our future, and about our past.

 

We feel the same, more in love than ever.

I feel so elated, light as a feather.

3 more years go by, suddenly you turn shy.

You take me to dinner, and talk about how,

you take back those years you were stuck-up, here and now.

 

I smile when you look at me,

and getting down on one knee,

you ask, "Will you marry me?"

 

 

Author's Note

This is pretty lame...haha sorry!

Reviews

[emipoemi]

You started this off really well, but then went sloppy on your musicality. Let the rhythm guide you in poetry, and hit those important beats hard. For this is not lame, it's as much a start as any other poem on here. You have something going, only tweak it up a bit so that you hit the right beats at the right time.

[Wildecat]

It's not lame, I got down on my knee when I asked my girl friend to marry me. Nothing wrong with following tradition once in awhile.

[JRB]

its a start kkep up the writes,jan/uisiom

[Tomás Ó C..]

The good will out in the end, eh?

[Cece]

no you dont need to put yourself down
have more confidence the poetry is really great
you can see a lil of yourself in the poems
your poems expose you as loving peep you are

the more you put yourself in the poetry
the more enjoyable they become
you feelings are consumed in the poetry
i taste life in your poems

read mine and you see the similarity
i write with my feelings laid out exposed
please write write more more please
be creative and enjoy the compliments

[Cคɾเ&#..]

I reallly like it! It was very beautiful and it wasn't what I was expecting at first. Great job! good luck in my contest.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Very sweet poem, innocent love still full of hope and dreams. Nice write.

Thanks for entering my contest, best of luck.

[Michael Carr]

it is sweet. not lame...just cheesy. but the good cheese...like the yellow cheese...not the blue one...the one that stinks. anyways, it's deep and touching. really nice.
great job.

[youngwriter222]

I don't think this is lame, it's sweet. I wish I could find a guy like that (The last part not the first) But its great that he admitted it, that's a true guy.

I loved this! Keep writing

[lauren emily]

This was so sweet! I don't think it's lame at all! Keep up the good work, you'll go far!

~Lauren