stench of my bitterness

           I float in the valley of tears.

Resting and contemplating the fears

  I tried to hide and compress.

Then I breath-in the putrid stench of my bitterness.

         Isolation has come to its hollowed broodiness.

Why must I touch in manic solemnity

     the borders of your loyalty?

Though I felt it was meant to be,

But then I know it was so wrong

                      a mistake that gone prolong. + + +

           Until we were on the edge of loss

       conflict of families that we had caused.

 

Family, cousin, friends and lovers turn their back on us

            As if we’re such a huge embarrassment

             I can’t blame them for their confinement 

                            much farther away from us. . .

But what I can’t take is that you abandon me as well,

                                      without any reason to tell.

You have left me on the dark corners.

            Now alone in this vast waters,

                    feeling the waves that never come

                                 waiting, waiting till the end~

 

Author's Note

this is quite sad and lonely poem... i wonder...

Reviews

[gabrielle]

how can something so deeply melancholic can at the same time be so equally beautiful?
You really have ways of weaving words kabayan. It truly touches the emotions. As to the content, i would say that it mirrors reality as sometimes "against all odds situations" just end up to nothing but then this is not always the case. I think this sad poem just made me a pessimist. ..^_^.. Beautifully penned as always.

[Pax]

thank you dear kabayan, a very nice smile you have there.. :)

[Rachelle]

I think i did pick the right guy to be the Art Director. Pat myself on the back for using my gut feel.
I could feel the melancholy and pain in this wonderfully-worded piece.
Welcome to the collab., Kabayan!

[Pax]

haha, thanks Rach... yeah, cheers to both!

[Tate Morgan]

This seems a poem to do with shame of some kind perhaps to a family

[Pax]

My dearest friend, I'm stunned, what you just have done with letters, words and this meaning here. First I wanted to say, that this was melancholic, emotionally perfect. To touch the bottom takes effort, and to see and embrace darker feelings. You are becoming master of it. Second, I see the bliss of purity always through your writes, they are dark, but there is always a light point, and then it can be broken by rain, or a cloud in the middle, by thunders on your life path... it is just that honesty, and purity here I so adore. Is there more beauty? I guess not, by seeing you being yourself, and embrace (like I love pure solitude) here. Pure solitude isn't solitude, remember that, it is the richest form of being one with yourself, and that is never solitude. :) Just a fantastic write my dear... once embraced, never ever alone, nor afraid... ;-) xoxo

[Pax]

My dearest friend,
I am so touched by your words, as always as you have felt me in this piece. i keep reading and reading your review for greatly touch me. I'm totally speechles here now. Thank you so much :)

You are always welcome my bestest xxxx

[Belle]

Pax, of all your poems I like the form of this one. Valley of tears is such a good metaphor. Your choice of words are equally good, and when read aloud the poem creates music to the ear. There is no exact rhyming scheme yet this sounds like a blank verse. Well done.

Leaving someone without closure is something very evil, worse than leaving you inspite of fighting the world including family for her. That someone is never good to keep even in memory. I think not even worth to be talked like this...Forget about her... :)

[Lupus Kaos]

"Family, cousin, friends and lovers turn their back on us

As if we’re such a huge embarrassment " this line expressed my inner thoughts with hard words. Yet, I felt good reading it. "We" are not alone. There are many other people out there for us. I'd like to say that, the picture is also very nicely attached to the poem. Good work.

[Krithika Raghavan]

Your author note leaves me wondering, the ending of the poem keeps me waiting..."The valley of tears"~ such beautiful words, and a beautiful imagery. The titles held me fast, wonderfully written.

[An owl on the moon]

Everything is placed so artistically... imagery and flow and form... and yes, there is such a dark sense of isolation... of unceasing hunger... So moving and painful, my friend...

[Pax]

thank you so much my friend... I'm really glad you like this... :)

[Zebrah.]

I feel this. I also like how you compared these feelings to a still body of water, man that's nice.

[Pax]

thank you, mr. Zebra... that's really nice to hear.

[Sheila Marie Carr]

Speechless!!! Above the sadness its a complete work of art...
Job well done!

[Pax]

oh thank you so much... I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

[Kenneth The Poet]

Sad, bitter, disdainful...I like it. The rhyme really captures the work here.

[Pax]

thank you so much mr. Ken.. glad that you have seen the emotion filled disdain in it...the rhyme is force like someone said in the previous review though I guess it was just right… just the way the strong feelings it represent…you are great my friend!