afraid to drown

............. a type of monologues i guess....

Afraid to drown

 

I bathe in milk

The Ripples along the water are as fine as silk

NO! This is not something I fancy

In life, sometimes you just want to try

In the end we just have to stop the stupid lie.

To live or die

To breathe or just drown

Seems everybody wears a crown

NO! I lost mine a long time ago.

Perhaps temporary is all I could have, so I dare go…

Grab what’s on hand

Never expecting high demand

Then I get lost, soaked

And a little broke

To start a new beginning

Is still out of reach, I’m screeching…

Not in pain but in the cloud that blocks the way

Wishing the fear will stay at bay

Never reaching my awful screeching

Oh CHOICES! I wish I ACTED ON YOU differently

NOT fearing disappointing those who support me.

But hey! What is done cannot be undone

I stand in what I’ve chosen, I never run…

I tried my best to stop my mouth

From reasoning-in or reasoning-out

For your choice is your own responsibility

So I stop blaming others for my problematic probability

I bathe again, in warm water this time

Hoping to wash away the disease that struck me

Faults of my own neglect

Laziness and Tiresome - and its ripple effects

Now I fear I’ll drown…

 

Author's Note

a special thanks to Gabrielle for her ice buko(coconut)... :)

a special credit to the picture chosen to the ever inspiring photographer:
manuelestheim


and lastly thanks for reading...

Reviews

[gabrielle]

“I bathe in milk.” –In my province, only the well-off could afford the luxury of literally and figuratively bathing in milk. In this piece, it appears that the poetic voice is not grateful or appreciative of what he has. I was wondering what made him to feel that way. Perhaps, the piece wants to convey that having luxury does not truly guarantee happiness and peace of mind.

“Seems everybody wears a crown. No! I lost mine a long time ago”- I cannot help but recall the rant-poem you penned not so long ago about losing the crowning glory (lol). But of course, “crown” in this piece may mean something that made us proud, which was lost over the years. How the “crown” was lost? The succeeding lines imply that it was his own fault.

“Grab what’s on hand, never expecting high demand”- This line made me think of negotiation. When we feel that we have nothing valuable to offer, chances are we no longer negotiate. We just accept any offer. However, if we only knew that we have so much to offer, that we deserve better, we simply don’t grab any opportunity- we only grab the best opportunity. I think that it is necessary for us to keep on innovating/improving ourselves so that we maintain our confidence.

“To start a new beginning/is still out f reach”- I feel you. One of the hardest decisions to make (at least to me) is to get out of our comfort zones. It’s never easy to start something new as we could never be certain of the result. I think that our apprehension to start something new (in relationship, in career, etc..) originates from our fear of failing.

“Faults of my own neglect/laziness and tiresome and its ripple effect”- Aw! Don’t be too hard on yourself. Never second guess the result of the choice you never made as it will incapacitate us to move on and will blur our vision to see the lessons derived from our decisions.

P.S. Baka gusto mo ng chocolate flavored ice candy. Lol. Baka ang next piece mo will start as, “ I clothe myself in dirt (kulay chocolate yun di ba?) or I drowned myself in caffeine..hehehe. Glad to read from you again :) :)

[Pax]

wow!

very thorough, sharp and amazing... thanks Gab...
here is my response:read morewow!

very thorough, sharp and amazing... thanks Gab...
here is my response:

about the milk thing, that was the intention, having something you can buy doesn't really mean it gives you the content of being happy with it, there is still this nagging feeling that it is not enough... I do appreciate what i have in some aspect i am still blessed, though the situation i am in is sometimes very tiring..

haha, atin atin nalng yang crowning glory na yan...:D nakakatuwa na-alala mo pa yun... your right again, the crown means something more, and i understand its my fault, I accept that fact and i stand tall in the consequences i am facing...

since i lost my crown i just grab whatever opportunity arise, this is not something i am proud off, i don't like it really, sigh...

i always had that fear, my pessimistic side always feeds that fear....

sigh... thanks again Gab, I will try not to be, it just hard battling your own demons...but i never stop trying....

:) haha, chocolate is a nice topic and coffee too, i'll take mental note of that... :D
sa ice candy gusto ko ube :D

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Well, this was interesting. I tried to drown myself in a bathtub full of beer once. It didn't work though, I kept having to climb out of the tub to pee. (just joking) We all have choices to make in life and hopefully, the responsibility to discern the results of our actions, before we choose. Nicely written.

[Jimmy Yetts]

We are living out the choices of our own free will.
Realizing that, is a big step towards mature acceptance.
No matter how you may sometimes feel, your enlightened view will not
allow you to drown.
Insightful piece, Pax!

[Weeping willow]

Such a vivid write that flows so nice together, can feel each one as the words go into my head. Love this one ;-]

[Pax]

many thanks, my friend, this one is one of my favorite, and much perfected in my eyes as I read it twice and more for it reflects all my writes and my life,.... good to have you here, reading my old pieces, which holds dear to my heart.

[Weeping willow]

Welcome and nice to see you here ;-}

[DIVYA]

The poet is in a deeply retrospective mood. Not a little sombre and regretful of the choices he made in life, the consequences of some of which do not seem to have turned out favorably, demoralizing him. Though physically & materially comfortable, he expresses the internal doubts and discomfort very eloquently. To him, others seem to be triumphant in the choices they made. I would tell him that self doubt is a common by product of a sensitive, thinking soul and the grass always seems greener on the other side. Strangely, I need to tell myself this only too often. Appreciated very much...

[Belle]

In the ancient convention of drama introduced by Euripides, monologue explains the situation and characters with which the action begins...and this has an athomosphere of such... and I can even imagine the delimna of the tripartite of your mind...

[Sami Khalil]

"For your choice is your own responsibility
So I stop blaming others for my problematic probability
I bathe again, in warm water this time"

[Sami Khalil]

"Grab what’s on hand
Never expecting high demand
Then I get lost, soaked
And a little broke
To start a new beginning"

[Tim Piotrowicz]

wicked good poem, Pax. This has so much feeling and power behind the words. I love the part about crowns. I am glad I chose to check in on your writing. Hope you keep em coming!

[Sami Khalil]

I heard The screams, I felt the agony, I experienced the fears in your powerful words. Sometimes we have to drown and know the depths of the abyss before we can muster some faith and power to rise again. Sometimes we might have to go with the flow for survival. But those who conquer adversities have willed and learned to pay the heavy prices and costs. I love to drown in poetry and art as this poem on par....Excellent, my brother and friend. ........:).......

[Devons]

"I tried my best to stop my mouth
From reasoning-in or reasoning-out"
This is a fierce, yet thoughtful exploration of inner turmoil and its effects. It reads in a way like an exploded expletive, like cursing or damning the flaws and fragility of the mind. A kind of stream of consciousness in a way, but one which adorns an element of clarity which streams through the writing, reaching out to the reader in its wrangling.
I cited those two lines at the beginning of this review to exemplify what I am trying to say, and I think they alone do the whole poem justice in meaning and language.
Powerful and raw in honest human feeling and thought; an effusion controlled in poetic shape and translation. I think feeling is the most important part of poetry - the art is to present it well.

NB Should "Tiresome" (penultimate line) be "Tiresomeness" perhaps? or "Tiredness"? I don't know.