When can i ever feel that i matter?

When can i ever feel that i matter?

A Poem by Pax
"

......

"
Most of the day i slept
Or just in bed
Not minding the world 
Who doesn't seems to care
About me.

I drench my free time
On watching a world 
That doesn't exist,
A mere fantasy.

Well, atleast there
I can dream 
A good reality 
But still it isn't real.

I faced my everyday 
With a smile
Looking real enough 
To hide
All the confusion 
Behind all those
Facade i tried to cover up.

It didn't matter 
Whether i have a future 
To look up too
As long as i keep walking
Despite the dust and smug 
That blocks my way.

God has given me good things,
Yet this isn't what i want
Or atleats i thought it was...

Perhaps i made a wrong turn
A safer path.
Never having to risk
Many things.
A safe choice
For the good of
Everyone's expectations.

I mope around 
as my sadness flows..
Through my words
I spit them out.

When can i feel that i am
Important to someone,
When can i ever feel
That i
Matter...
?


© 2017 Pax



Author's Note

Pax
Its been awhile that i wrote something up, or quite this long. I was being content to the tidbits of my life i shared. Many had happened, i lost my dad last may 2016, i got to go home. Take care of things, spends some time with my sisters - the only treasure i can say i can still hold on into but it was too short, i got to tell them my struggle, that i dunno if they totally understand. I guess its my problem alone. Life is pretty damn confusing, i dunno what to do or what i really want. I guess i stop listening to my heart long ago and listen more to my brain...

I dunno why i still write like this, even though i know pretty well my problem is... i was the bird in a cage who never got to fly freely, too domesticated to even fly away on its own.

My Review

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Featured Review

Very emotional piece, pax. It was said that the meaning of life is find your gift and the purpose of life is to give it away. Do not despair. Perhaps, you are still in the process of dicovering your gift.There are some typo errors but it didn't lessen the depth of emotion.

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

gabrielle

1 Year Ago

Lol. Deleted na. Kailangan ng data eh.
gabrielle

1 Year Ago

Fan girl kasi ako dati ng pokemon, doraemon before.. lol
Pax

1 Year Ago

haha, this makes me smile, my friends... hay... nakakatuwa mag reminisce ng past hilig natin noh... .. read more



Reviews

Going back here...
Hope you are okay, Pax. Please don't stop writing. You know how writing helped us during our hard times. You need to write and express your thoughs to help yourself.
Do not think you don't matter to anyone. You matter to many people. You matter to your family and friends. Every person has his/her own ways of showing care and sometimes it is not what we expect..that's why we are hurt.

Get back to writing lyrics. One day, they will turn into perfect music.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You are not alone , all of us are trapped sometimes by circumstances. My only consolation is that perhaps this is the lesson we need to learn , perhaps. All of us walk the safe path, to our detriment , I think...much love , descriptive emotional and hearfelt write.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emotional write my friend,as I often feel these pains and understand your words so completely. I too have been trying to change,but just when I think I have some new insight,sorrow drops by again to say hello. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your Father,it's difficult when love ones leave and sometimes we carry the loss of them with us for a very long time. Take each day a step at a time and leave your feelings with God as he understands your emotions;-]

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very emotional piece, pax. It was said that the meaning of life is find your gift and the purpose of life is to give it away. Do not despair. Perhaps, you are still in the process of dicovering your gift.There are some typo errors but it didn't lessen the depth of emotion.

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

gabrielle

1 Year Ago

Lol. Deleted na. Kailangan ng data eh.
gabrielle

1 Year Ago

Fan girl kasi ako dati ng pokemon, doraemon before.. lol
Pax

1 Year Ago

haha, this makes me smile, my friends... hay... nakakatuwa mag reminisce ng past hilig natin noh... .. read more
Great existential angst poem pax. You drive the point home well.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

so many of us feel like this today, we walk around doing what is expected of us and rarely what we want to do...i'm glad you are writing, never stop.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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658 Views
16 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on July 24, 2016
Last Updated on February 18, 2017
Tags: #Love, #life, #sadness, #alone

Author

Pax
Pax

CDO - the city of golden friendship, Philippines



About
Dear Visitor Hello there! I am Willyam Pax from the Philippines and now residing here in Saudi Arabia for work. I am not a writer but a sensitive aspiring artist who expresses himself into .. more..

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