Le' Danser de' Charme

Colors swivel in gyration

Sung voices of the hawk

Life breathing the living

Artful solar energy consumes the body

 

Spirits suffuse in the dance

Time withdraws troublesome thoughts

Drums pound sorrow to dust

Tears wash away despair

 

Dragon's wings unfurl

Storming the air

A soul relishes the sun

Stomp the clouds, snort in time

 

First fear, then liberation

Swirl to flickering stars

Heartfelt pride for my ancestors

Honored, venerated, respected

 

Dance forgives freedom

A mind lingers from tediousness

A vision of a Goddess remains true

A loving maiden touches tenderly

 

Sweat drips

Time flown away

A heart races

Yet, forever a memory remains

Reviews

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Spirits suffuse in the dance
Time withdraws troublesome thoughts
Drums pound sorrow to dust
Tears wash away despair

These lines give me what I want, To erase the pain and suffering of the world. Very pretty and hopefull these words in your poem are. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.

[THE BLACK SEAL]

I think that this one could achieve a better all around flow.
It is obvious that you thought about this one a bit. This is reflected in the way you chose your words for the poem.
Now as far as flow goes here is a few examples of what i mean...

Dragon's wings unfurl

might instead be...

Dragon wings unfurl

A mind lingers from tediousness

might instead read....

Mind lingering tediousness...



Sweat drips

Time flown away

A heart races

Yet, forever a memory remains


Now this could possibly be re- written to say something like...

Sweat drips

Time flown away

A heart races forever

Yet a memory remains

I might drop the comma between yet and memory to make it reflect yet a memoery remains as opposed to yet, a memory remains...

I think the words you used to conjour up the image were really well done and i applaud you for that.
As for Understanding the piece, it brought to my mind the images of a belly dancer and her gyrating hips with a few beads of sweat forming on the brow..
So whether that was your intention or not that is a simplistic way of saying what i got out of it..lol

I definately see potential and you do have a unique style by its own right, but i think you might work a little more on the rhythm, however that is entirely up to you.

[PhoeniX]

very nice. the visions filtering through my mind were beautiful. good job

[Rhiannon Dragonraine]

Wow I have never really seen a better description of ecstatic dance. Wonderful! You have captured the emotion and the feeling of it whether you be watching someone else or joining in- I really like the way you have imagined it here. Great work.

[Vera Iconica]

This poem is amazing! I really liked how you used Dragons, and spirits. I think that makes it really unique.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Beautiful, just stunning - dance is heroine I often say - you have captured so many lovely descriptions and their is a longing to your write that is both sincere and heartwarming. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha