Us

Us

A Poem by Amrita

This is how I unfold our love
Recapitulating from its birth
to its demise
We deep-rooted it
Nurtured it
It blossomed
It grew
Like a healthy and happy plant
Withstanding all the phases
It sustained to grow its parts
But
Couldn't resist the hurricane
Of altered feelings
Deprived of love and warmth
It uprooted itself
Withered and decayed
Its parts crumbled into million shards
Pleaded to bloom again

© 2017 Amrita



Author's Note

Amrita
Journey from us to you and I. I would be immensely grateful for your time and reviews.

My Review

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Reviews

You are a poetic genius. You have such amazing talent. I would encourage you to keep on developing your ideas, whatever inspiration you feel write it down on your note pad that should always carry, and whatever you write, always put a date on it; and that way you'll start building your portfolio of poetry that one day, by God's grace, you'll publish.
And although technology is good, always use the paper and the natural pen whenever you are in that writing mood, as you draft your poems and date them; then when you feel within your soul that the poem feels complete, that you've expressed the ideas you really want, then you can type the finished product on the computer.
The reason I say this is because with technology we are becoming a little lazy and relying too much on the computer for answers. However, with the paper and pen we can still feel the creative, thinking process.

Posted 9 Months Ago


Amrita

9 Months Ago

First of all, I value your time and wonderful piece of advice that you shared with me.. I am gratefu.. read more
As expected, your words are something of true allure. I am captivated by the way you structured your poem. It reminds me of a flower. The first moments of a relationship are filled with bliss. Full of desire and excitement. It's a game of they love me, they love me not. Then, slowly, the flower becomes different. That initial love, is not filled with happiness anymore. After time, death surrounds the flower until, death becomes it. But surely, when spring blooms with the beguiling sun, the flower shall build once more. Thank you for releasing this magnificent piece!

Posted 9 Months Ago


Amrita

9 Months Ago

I am honored that you find my piece magnificent..! Thanks a lot :)
Love
Amrita
PandaPeaceful

9 Months Ago

No problem!!
Such a depth in your words, nicely written and expressed

Posted 9 Months Ago


Amrita

9 Months Ago

I am glad that you liked it :)
Thank you :)
I love this realistic look at life & love. Sometimes I'm tired of whining stories of lost love. Here you don't sound like you're complaining, but just observing the cycles of life. I get the idea that this is a model of acceptance . . . relationships begin & end . . . it's natural. We would all do well to find this kind of acceptance about the way different people come in & out of our lives! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 10 Months Ago


Amrita

10 Months Ago

I am so honoured to hear appreciation. You inspire me. Thank you so much ma'am.:)
Much love :.. read more
i love this with everything.

beautifully written.

I'm new on here, and it would be such an honour if you can review some of my poems!

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Amrita

10 Months Ago

Thank you so much Jada for kind words. They are so inspiring :)
It's a nice poem with a good theme. It was reading nicely up until the but. The but joins the two parts of the poem that otherwise could be seperate, but it doesn't feel like a strong enough link for the drastic transition.
Something like
But...
It couldn't resist the Hurricane
Then describe the plant like how it withered and broke, then explain the feelings behind it. I don't know, honestly this is just my opinion. But still, very good job :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Amrita

11 Months Ago

Hi Avia,
I appreciate your kind feedback..! I will surely keep in this mind for my further c.. read more
Avia

11 Months Ago

Glad i could help
The million parts of crumpled hearts
we find uprooted here.
are all that’s left of joy and pain,
from phases once to cheer.

The hurricane of broken love
has set the bloom aside,
to wither in the snow of discontent,
where loves gone by reside.

But, with the clearing of the deck
doors can open wide,
to make the way to try again,
for happiness inside.


Posted 11 Months Ago


Very beautifully described the journey of a plant and love at the same time. I loved it.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Amrita

11 Months Ago

So glad that you like it..! Thank you so much for kind words :)
Najam Us Saher

11 Months Ago

You are welcome.

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Added on November 17, 2017
Last Updated on November 17, 2017

Author

Amrita
Amrita

New Delhi, India



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