The beasts of Carbonarium part 1

The beasts of Carbonarium part 1

A Story by Tomahawk Joe

Allow me to introduce myself I'm Carl Barbary the one and only tried and convicted criminals from the post apocalyptic city of Carbonarium. And yes Carbonarium s every bit the hellish place you might imagine. I haven't bathed or shaved recently luckily my whiskers are sparse and grow slowly.
I have to defend myself against god knows what is out there including those who are after me for a crime I never committed in the first place. I have heard many beastly sounding things out there particularly at night. My only light is a torch I've managed to light with a flint and a piece of steel salvaged from some old wreck. I've also managed to fashion crude weapons from the same metal.
The landscape before me is as varied as if I were on another planet. Part dense impenetrable jungle, Part smoking destroyed forest. It's been a few years now since the  destruction and some of the things are starting to return. Over a precipitous rise I encountered another blackened destroyed forest the ground still a bed of gray ash.
Then over another hill the remains of a burned out structure the smell of rotted flesh still hangs in the air.
And then I saw it the beastly looking creature made my heart race and my breath stop simultaneously. It seemed to at times walk upright like a man then down on all fours like some primal beast. Somehow it strangely endeared me to it because of its almost human qualities. It exhibited an almost human capacity for emotion and compassion. As it looked curiously at me it whined like a dog. I felt remorse myself suddenly I almost believed the accusations that I was responsible in a way for the death and destruction before me.
Then I almost made a fatal mistake I tried to approach it. Just as I was close enough to see right into it's green hair ringed eyes It let out a vicious snarl baring sharp teeth. Quick as lightning it lunged at me tearing my long sleeved shirt with its sharp claws. Then it looked into my eyes and whined a sad whine as if it regretted what it had just done.
All of a sudden I heard a thunderous crashing sound through the dense underbrush to my left. There were at least twenty more of them racing out of the brush like a horde of bloodthirsty barbarians. There was no mistaking they were headed straight for me yelling out their spine tingling cries
                                    End part 1

© 2013 Tomahawk Joe


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this is very interesting; i've never read anything like it before! i think that you could spice this up with some more solid imagery. even your word choice could be used to enhance the images that you portray here because as a reader i thought there could be a better picture or vibe of what the setting and characters are. besides that, i really did enjoy reading this. it's new and different and i hope to find time to continue with the other parts!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Hmm well this is interesting. I wonder what these creatures are, why they are there, why this character is going near them, etc. I found I got tripped up on a few runon sentences, but that was really my only criticism.

Posted 6 Years Ago



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Added on May 9, 2013
Last Updated on May 9, 2013

Author

Tomahawk Joe
Tomahawk Joe

carl junction, MO



About
Aspiring writer and artist,currently working on four books. And a few short stories. I have been writing stories since grade school. more..

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