arrows

arrows

A Poem by Tomahawk Joe

  My heart's a shield for those whose piercing arrows feel. With each new arrow I feel less pain and maybe even count as gain. If cupids bow should mischief seek leave those alone whose hearts are weak.

© 2013 Tomahawk Joe


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

Ah, Cupid and his arrows :) A creative writing indeed... "If cupids bow should mischief seek,
leave those alone whose hearts are weak." My favorite line.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Tomahawk Joe

10 Years Ago

Thank you for your review it's always nice to be appreiated
A very good poem...Thank you for posting...:)

Posted 10 Years Ago


Tomahawk Joe

10 Years Ago

thank you for reviewing
Sami Khalil

10 Years Ago

You are welcome...:)
Well done with strong internal rhyme and a lovely mood being set. But again I have to say that this could be improved with line breaks to adhere to a poetic form rather than straight prose. I love the analogy of heart as a shield and just wish it had stood alone on a line to be appreciated more.
You have strong images and great instincts

Posted 10 Years Ago


Yup, Cupid has been at it again. Why can't he stay out of mischief? This is a great little piece. It packs a lot of punch. I do agree, however, that breaking it up would lend more to poetry. Unless of course, your style is prose poetry. Either way it is quite artistic. Welcome to the world of poetry.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Tomahawk Joe

10 Years Ago

thank you for the review
I love the story of Cupid...very interesting mythology between he and Venus. The last line of this is fantastic..."If cupid's bow should mischief seek leave those alone whose hearts are weak."--very nicely worded. I do wonder, however, if this might have slightly more impact in a more traditional "form"...
Something like:

My heart is a sheild
for those whose
peircing arrows feel.

With each new arrow,
I feel less pain, and
maybe
even count as gain.

If Cupid's bow should mischieft
seek, leave those alone
whose hearts are weak.

Just a thought...I'm rambing here. An interesting read that I quite enjoyed.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Wow, another belter! When Cupid pulls back his bow, we all cower in the corner but if that arrow is for you my friend there is no hiding!!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Tomahawk Joe

10 Years Ago

thank you for the review
Well expressed. Keep that heart-shield strong until an arrow that you can't resist comes along, then open it with abandon. Peace.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Tomahawk Joe

10 Years Ago

thank you for the review
Ohhhh this is lovely! The content is very intriguing and well written - you have clearly thought deeply about what you are writing. I love the small elements of rhyme and other poetic techniques, they really help establish the flow and pace of the piece.

However, I do feel that you could make this more powerful by breaking up the structure. If you made each sentence a new line, it would heighten the emotional impact on the reader, and obviously it would be more visually appealing to your audience. "cupids" should generally be capitalised, or at least needs a possessive apostrophe to be "Cupid's" (denoting that he is the owner of the bow). Also, I was a little confused by the final line, so maybe a comma should be used to break it up. Either after 'seek' or 'alone' I would assume.

Otherwise, a very lovely piece! It has a nostalgic, almost mythological feel to it, which I find quite entrancing. Beautiful imagery, well done!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Tomahawk Joe

10 Years Ago

thank you for the review. I'm fairly new to poetry so I welcome all the advice I can get.

Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

546 Views
8 Reviews
Rating
Added on July 8, 2013
Last Updated on July 8, 2013

Author

Tomahawk Joe
Tomahawk Joe

carl junction, MO



About
Aspiring writer and artist,currently working on four books. And a few short stories. I have been writing stories since grade school. more..

Writing
teaser: teaser:

A Story by Tomahawk Joe


River River

A Poem by Tomahawk Joe



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..