Pain

Very old poem, one of my first ones.

End all this pain,
All this suffering,
Whys there so much.

It takes over like a disease,
Running through my veins.
Trying to kill me.

We need an escape,
Escape from the pain,
The pain that kills the weak,
And buries the strong.

Reviews

[Misa]

For a first it has quite a bit to offer the reader - there are ways it could be improved, l suppose, but sometimes the fun is in leaving an old piece as it is. you could try having an original & revised copy though if you were interested. anyway, although not a method l prefer in general, your way of carrying the thought from the previous line over to the beginning of the next offers a certain sense of pacing, which l rather enjoyed.
simplistic thoughts, which in this case seems to work.
technically could perhaps use some imagery, but... l like this.