Love

I want him more than i want to breathe

I need him to be complete

Without him I am imperfect

Without him I am just skin and bones

With him I am a whole

I am a human

I have a soul

Without him nothing is right

With him i am happy

When he is near nothing could go wrong

 

Reviews

[Kris]

Very nice. I am able to see the emotion in your work.

However, I not sure about this, so correct me if I misunderstood, but in the first line, I think you meant 'than i want to breathe'. 'Then' is a time-based word, 'than' is a comparison word. When you say 'then' that means you are going to the following words after the first part. When you use the word 'than', it means you would prefer that to the other action. And the word 'breathe' is the verb, 'breath' is the noun. I also believe you don't need 'a' in your 5th line: 'with him i am whole'.

If you wrote it this way intentionally (for any type of meaning) this is fine, but be aware of capitalization, commas, periods, and other grammar tools.

I apologize if I am unclear or if I appear to be harsh. I am bit uptight at times. Anyways, I did love this writing. Please keep it up! I'll be looking forward to more! :)

[Owlgirl]

Emotional, amazing, and very well written.

[zainul]

I understand that you are a 'Juliet' to your 'Romeo'.
I like this line:"Without him I am imperfect'
Very lovely poem.
I can feel your love and passion for him.

[Her Guardian Angel]

Love this.

[writingurl14]

yay lol

[Rebbie Louise]

Very lovely! Well written. It really conveys just how desperately you love this person!

[writingurl14]

yea :)

[GunMetal]

Don't know if you meant it this way, but the last line is kinda creepy. Have you watched that "Overly Attached Girlfriend" video? It's kinda like that.

[writingurl14]

its ment more as a i would die for him...

[GunMetal]

I'm sure he'd rather you live for him =)

[writingurl14]

yea i know he would...

[Zoey Dead Girl]

This is a lovely poem, the feelings within this is very understandable. Good work :3

[Whiskurz]

Very well written my friend.....Good luck in the contest.....Whisk

[♪Kinnixk ♫]

Awesome! Lots of emotion in this. Great job.

[afra]

awesome ...keep it up