Small Town Library (Stream of Consciousness)

Sitting in a small town library.

I'm sitting in the library where I remember you. The chair is too stiff and the air is too cold, so I guess that those things help me to remember you too. I hate having to fill out required fields in writing forms like this one; strangers trying to organize my thinking, just like you tried to organize my thinking. My thoughts will never be organized enough to satisfy anyone, even myself.

(Pause.)

I remember you. You used to take us for such long drives around this town that I wanted to kill myself, because I was a kid and I still didn't understand the gravity of the phrase or the fact that a drive through this forlorn strangeness is not the equivalent of a prolonged death like yours was. 

(Pause.)

I think about you everywhere. Maybe it's compensation for not thinking about you enough when you were still here, even if you were never really there. I hate that it's still not enough. I hate that you're still trying to organize my thoughts by becoming a part of them, after I thought I might finally be free if they outlived you.

(Pause.)

I'm sitting in the library where I still think of those last years. One time, I came here searching for old autobiographies with clues to local deposits of secret buried treasure, because I didn't see all of the treasures in front of me. I was still learning how to see, back then. Sometimes I wonder how different things would be if we actually had moved into one of the many houses in this town that you always speculated about buying, back when you were still trying to organize Everything. 

(Pause.)

I hate to admit it, but Everything really is a little less organized without you. 

Reviews

[Jypzy]

This really speaks to me. I may have to let it speak to me again. And again.
This is the first thing I've read on this website, and wow, what an introduction. Definitely stirs the juices.

[Harmartia Poe]

My god, I love this. It is a perfect stream of consciousness. I love struggle the character feels between love and hatred. It's thoughtful, very personal, and perks of being a wallflower-esque (which I adore lol). Well written :)

[Audrey Kanyera]

Beautifully pained bitter sweet memories

[Penny]

I wanted to read a stream of conciousness work from a long time and I feel it was totally worth it. Little hard to follow but very involving and thought provoking. Wonderful.

[escherflight]

This is convincing and has potency. You have a powerful voice.

[Eagle Cruagh]

Memories. A stream of the most poignant
episodes in the writer`s development.
Especially well done, great writing.
Wish I could have given this more time because
it is loaded with brilliant excerps from life.
Thank you,
---- Eagle Cruagh