Merlot

Like a  drained bottle,   her soul is empty. To

soothe her singed nerves, only one thing belongs

inside.   In her  nightly dreams,  it  rains, fast

and hard like a mighty thunderstorm. The only

difference? It rains red, the color of young rose

petals. The drops are bitter-sweet, gently wa-

rming her insides as they glide down. It’s the

forbidden drink, the forsaken divinity that dri-

ves her wild with want during the day and in-

fests her thoughts at night. Within herself she

is a barren desert, begging with dying

lungs for one mere ribbon of

scarlet temptation to

bless  her

tortured

 soul.W-

henever

that r-

 osy, bl-

ushing

nectar

trickl-

es do-

wn her

needy

throa-

t, she

is free like a bird released from

her cage, only to realize that she has broken wings.

Author's Note

Note that this is an extremely rough draft and I haven't yet worked out the little spacing kinks. It may not look perfect yet...but hopefully you get the idea of the shape. I also have yet to choose a font. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

Nicely done. I don't see many picture poems of this sort on the cafe and I think in my lifetime I've only written one myself. This is a poignant piece....the ending especially. Well penned.

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you very much T.

[Sami Khalil]

A very good and touching piece of good poetry...:)

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you.

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[s y e]

WOW! I loved the structure of this write, I loved the font and the colour.

Although I dont understand why some words are halved and on other lines, it doesnt make much sense, I think you should fix that up but its up to you.

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you for the thoughtful review.

[AdorableDreams]

This is very touching! Good one:)

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you.

[Talkless]

You were born to do this,just keep writing the word and talkless.

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like where you are going...and love the ee cummings influence the second half..the appearance fits the effect you seem to be after.

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you Jacob... I'll refine it in a while.

[Astro]

Bravo, beautiful and chilling. Very Nice!

[Luna Evangeline]

Thanks again Astro.

[Melissa]

Stunning, just stunning. In word and structure I love it!.

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you Melissa.

[Keith LaFountaine]

I love your form and style. Great use of emotion and description. Excellent title too. Great job overall!

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you Keith for your kind thoughts.

[Soma-ko]

Love how you changed the color at 'bless her' and 'tortured'.
I understand the reasoning for the glass shaped structure, which goes with the poem itself, but personally, I would've enjoyed the poem if it were well spaced/organized.
I found it hard to keep a tempo as I read, and the stem of the glass is incredibly irritating to read through.

The poem itself, however, I can gladly say I enjoyed. I think that in poetry, although appearance is a key role, and when you can mold it to you liking without hurting the contents, you should, but what makes a poem potent, and all literary works hold power, is the content. For my poem, Fallen Angel, I actually tried to make it the shape of an angel, but as I attempted to, I obstructed the poem's structure, and it didn't turn out very good. Which is why I had to reshape it in order to keep the lines in check.

All of what I wrote is my opinion, and if it isn't of mush worth to you, or conflicts with your ideas, then ignore it. All I have to say, is that the poem is well done, you have the right idea on the glass of wine shape, and all you really need to work on, is reshaping it. Good luck, and good job.

[Luna Evangeline]

Yes...it's in the process. This is most definitely not the first draft. And, your opinion matters to me. Every opinion matters to me (except those that are wildly misinformed...) Anyway, I'm editing it on a PC and those who read it on a MacBook won't be able to read it in the same way. Which irks me to no end, but, what can I do? Nothin.

[Luna Evangeline]

***When I said most definitely not the first draft I meant most definitely not the final***

[Soma-ko]

I guess all you can do is hope all who read it own a PC, which luckily enough, I use. There's a few parts I think you can make shorter, and maybe a little clearer, including: "begging with dying lungs for one mere ribbon of scarlet temptation to bless her tortured soul", now seen as one sentence, its a bit difficult to take in all at once. A suggestion may be: "begging, with dying lungs, she lusted for a single ribbon of scarlet temptation. Yearning for a drip to cleanse her tortured soul."
Although it may be a little too long in this case, I hope you can find a way to piece your piece into the piece you are trying to get.

[Luna Evangeline]

Thank you for the suggestions, they'll be thought over.

[Soma-ko]

No problem, I'll be waiting to see the end result of your hard work.