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Cracked

Cracked

A Poem by Luna Evangeline

Fingers sweep along a trembling thigh,

A sudden whisper of a flame setting my soul on fire

Satiny hips underneath a gentleman's rough-skinned hands

Quaking

A flower in the wind

Rocking

Riding stormy waves

A connection like no other, an unlucky woman finding her peace,

A blessing that Fate slipped into my pocket like a bit of spare change.

There is no other like us when we're together

Our passion is unmatched

I am his fortress and he, my lighthouse.

 

Feather-light touches, lingering lips,

Tiny explosions rushing through my heart,

Filling me with long-lost warmth.

 

But there's something cold.

Something hard. Unrelenting.

Left hand, the one that caressed

While the other one rubbed,

Fourth finger.

Glinting in the darkness of my bedroom,

Flashing in my guilty eyes.

 

A token of something deeper

Something I am breaking apart.

It brushes my skin as he touches me

and I shiver. It's cold as ice.

I almost wish it could melt away.

I should be ashamed.

I'm not.

He'll keep creeping into my bedroom. He'll love me,

not her. I'm the beautiful girl (other woman)

who blinds men with passion.

I'm the crack in a failing foundation,

Waiting happily for it all to collapse.

 


© 2013 Luna Evangeline



Author's Note

Luna Evangeline
The last stanza needs something, I think. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading :)

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Reviews

The other woman huh? You might say you are "living in the crack of a failing foundation". It would seem the crack was there ... you just fill that void until it comes to an end.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I am his fortress and he, my lighthouse.

Wonderful line. I think for the last stanza maybr making the foundation be make up foundation rather than a building. It would keep with her view of beauty and the skin deep nature of their relationship, as well as what could easily be the lies she's telling herself. Just my suggestion. I still find this poem to be wonderful, either way.

Posted 4 Years Ago


This has depth and the lines really draw the reader in... I was waiting of the climax of the read... the title behind the meaning... and your last stanza gives the last emission of "Cracked"... If there is anything missing I would say this:

I'm the crack in a failing foundation,
Waiting happily for it all to collapse.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm the crack in concrete a failing foundation,
Waiting happily for all fissures to collapse.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

If you were looking for a bit more to give the reader and this verse...


Posted 4 Years Ago


WOW that was intense... really great writing... your very talented !!

Posted 4 Years Ago


I love it! It's fine as it is.

Posted 4 Years Ago


"tiny explosion running through my heart".......... what an epic poem.

Posted 4 Years Ago


I'm the crack in a failing foundation,
Waiting happily for it all to collapse.

actually the last stanza to me is the strongest. A wonderful poem.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Wow, what an interesting subject you chose there. You turned the poem beautifully and gradually from the usual vibrance of intimate love and romance to the shunned upon love(?) of a cuckold and the other woman. I especially enjoyed your use of ice and cold to depict the...erm, akward isn't quite the word, sin of adultery. I don't think the last stanza needs anything, as a matter of fact, if you are thinking of revising, I think it could do without the '(the other woman)'. Revealing the situation and the nature of the speaker to the reader may be harder without this blunt line, but I think it solves the poem too easily for the reader, not giving the reader enough time to analyze it on their own. If you would like to give another hint to the speaker's position, you could try making an analogy to something similar to 'the other woman', such as a siren or the enchanting Aphrodite. Nice poem anyhow, and lovely structure and theme. The last lines are fabulous, well done.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks hun. I appreciate it. :)
Writer #00

4 Years Ago

No problem, thanks for sharing. : )
The last few lines are beautiful.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Luna Evangeline

4 Years Ago

Thanks so much. :)

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Added on July 17, 2013
Last Updated on July 17, 2013

Author

Luna Evangeline
Luna Evangeline

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If Walt Whitman were still alive I'd be his groupie. more..

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