Sink

Sink

A Poem by XO Nonie

Sink in the dirty lake
Drown as you look me in the eyes to save you
She thought I would lighten the weights
she thought I would spare her
But I didn't 
I instead laughed
Laughed when she fell and cried tears of pure hate
I laughed at her pain
And when she started to sink
I didn't flinch
I didn't hesitate to allow her to drown
I didn't want to help her
Because I did all this intentionally dear
I wanted to hurt you I wanted you to cry


He looked me in the eyes watching me sink
He told me I was his one and only
He fed me lies and bullshit
He used to tell me not to cry
He didn't want to see a tear leave my eyes
And now, now he watches me cry
And doesn't flinch
Instead he is now smirking at my hurt
Laughing at my pain
Does he even care anymore? 
Should I even care anymore?

No i don't give a f**k!
No i shouldn't give a f**k!

© 2016 XO Nonie



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Featured Review

Hello XO Nonie,

Wow, this is raw and gritty, yet so full of emotions. Your use of bold font really gives the poem more punch.

I noticed a few dropped commas, which would help with your flow. These are merely suggestions so use them if you see fit or ignore them.

Instead, he is now smirking at my hurt

No, i shouldn't give a f**k.

I was curious about whether you purposely chose not to capitalize the 'i' in the final two sentences? It actually punctuates the 'devil may care' attitude and works quite well. If it was intentional, nicely done. If it wasn't intentional, leave it as is because it works nicely.

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi



Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Hello XO Nonie,

Wow, this is raw and gritty, yet so full of emotions. Your use of bold font really gives the poem more punch.

I noticed a few dropped commas, which would help with your flow. These are merely suggestions so use them if you see fit or ignore them.

Instead, he is now smirking at my hurt

No, i shouldn't give a f**k.

I was curious about whether you purposely chose not to capitalize the 'i' in the final two sentences? It actually punctuates the 'devil may care' attitude and works quite well. If it was intentional, nicely done. If it wasn't intentional, leave it as is because it works nicely.

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi



Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is written perfectly. There is so much going on here. I am so entertained by this short piece. I want more. Thank you

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really thought that this piece was very unique, in many different ways. I loved how it when from one persons point of view right on to the next. I thought that was a very smart and inspiration i guess you could say to this piece. I loved how it was their thoughts on how they felt about each other, and what each character really felt in this lovely poem. I hope to see more poems like this my you. Good job and please don't stop keep up the wonderful writing. Thanks for this. I enjoyed it so very much.

Posted 1 Year Ago


This is too interesting not to be acted. Try acting it in your head and it will be more visceral...I love the voice

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

OK, I had to come back to this. When I read it yesterday... Hmm. I think it's a good first draft. I understand the story that you're trying to convey. However, I think that the anger could have been presented differently. The language is offensive, and that is often used to move the reader to feel the same, and sometimes it's necessary. But there are different ways to do that. More creative verbiage would have the same effect, and I think that in this particular piece, there's shock for the sake of shock. A few revisions, and this could be good.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

They say never contain your anger or any other negative feelings instead you should learn to adopt to positive ones.

This poem is full of the bad side but I like the ending where the female gave a damn to the one who said to her "I was his one and only"!

Chin up girl! xoxo
Anjali

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I found it really interesting how you had two different voices in one poem and the font choices associated with them -- the male has a seemingly more dominant, louder font/tone. Even as the female voice seemed to be trying to reconcile her disbelief and hurt feelings, she abruptly denounced them in the last line (that wonderfully mirrors his last line) and this denouncing of any feeling towards him, to me, symbolizes some form of empowerment.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Not into filthy language. I will read and review your decent writes. Valentine

Posted 1 Year Ago


Yikes....wouldn't want to get on your bad side ;)
Definitely felt the anger and pain and sweet revenge
you made it come alive!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

XO Nonie

1 Year Ago

thank you !
Rico

1 Year Ago

Man....this was intense! The imagery was crucial! The way you wrote it made it so easy to visualize... read more
XO Nonie

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much!

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Added on November 9, 2016
Last Updated on November 9, 2016

Author

XO Nonie
XO Nonie

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