Breathe

Breathe

A Story by XO Nonie

AS I SIT HERE I SEARCH
SEARCH TO CATCH MY BREATH 
SEARCH TO LOVE YOU THE WAY I ONCE DID 
I STAND IN FRONT OF YOU SPEECHLESS
THE WORDS WON'T COME OUT
I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO SAY
BUT THE ROCK NUGGED IN MY THROAT WON'T ALLOW IT
I CHOKE 
I BREATHE IN PREPARING A SCREAM
IT DOESN'T WORK
I TURN IN A FULL CIRCLE
SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE TO HELP ME
TO RELAY THE MESSAGE TO THIS MAN
WHO I ONCE LOVED AND ONCE LOVED ME 
AND NOW I CAN'T BREATHE 
HE'S HOLDING ME AND WE'RE BOTH CRYING
WANTING EVERYTHING WE ONCE DID
REMOVING THE PAIN AND ALLOWING THE LOVE
TO COME IN AND TAKE OVER
NOW WE STAND BREATHING 
FLOWERS GROWING RAPIDLY AROUND US
DROWNING US IN BEAUTIFUL SCENTS 
AND WE LOVE OURSELVES 
EACH OTHER 
AND ALL THE BEAUTY AROUND US


© 2016 XO Nonie



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• I STAND IN FRONT OF YOU SPEECHLESS

Move a little to the right, I can't see the screen.

That may seem flip,,but what am I to make of someone I don't know talking to someone I've not met, about things undefined? The reader doesn't know you, the characters, or the situation. So what emotional content can it hold for that reader?

The goal is to move the reader emotionally, not inform them how someone feels about someone else.

SO instead of picturing the situation and background, and telling the reader about it, make them live it. Make it meaningful to THEM.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

who do we write for if not for ourselves? If you wanted to have this published in a book or whatever I would listen to those below but if you are just blowing off some emotional surges then I can honestly say I felt that in this, maybe it wouldn't win a Pulitzer but I could feel the tug between what is going on and what you are desperately wanting to happen as you stand there with a rock nugget, I think we all have experienced that, I think you expressed that very well here.

Posted 2 Months Ago


Story or poem, i guess its up to interpretation, i do love the use of different fonts and a cool style.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

YEs, I think if you were a little more objective and used carefully chosen words (Rather than telling us how you feel) the poem would be easier to relate to. The 'rock nugget in my throat' was clever. I guess you felt better after writing it?

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It's like a dreamscape. First, a nightmare, but then it recovers itself to become pleasant

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow, its so beautifully written. The way you wrote it in two parts- it made my imagination run into two lovers. Keep up the good work :)

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is such a powerful story! As I kept reading this I saw that you wrote it in caps. I was screaming in my head haha.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The first part is very moving and powerful... the 2nd part could be another great poem!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

• I STAND IN FRONT OF YOU SPEECHLESS

Move a little to the right, I can't see the screen.

That may seem flip,,but what am I to make of someone I don't know talking to someone I've not met, about things undefined? The reader doesn't know you, the characters, or the situation. So what emotional content can it hold for that reader?

The goal is to move the reader emotionally, not inform them how someone feels about someone else.

SO instead of picturing the situation and background, and telling the reader about it, make them live it. Make it meaningful to THEM.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is very beautiful. I kind of got the vibe of someone losing a lover and they both find each other in the afterlife. Great job!! I love that you actually send read request too. Gives me something to look forward to after a long day

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This seems more like two reads, the before and then the hope of an ever after. Seems we all go through periods like this in our lives. Valentine

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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10 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on November 18, 2016
Last Updated on November 18, 2016

Author

XO Nonie
XO Nonie

About
...Not to give too much, but to give just enough. simple, I'm a young woman who has things to say but have no idea how to say them, until you put a pen in my hand and an empty book in front of .. more..

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