Democracy

Who is the hero that will take on democracy? Every head a new one speaking out of every orifice (thank Gods their just heads - seven voices at once is already a bit much and that's hoping that follicles and the sweat of battle shut up the thousands more). Heracles seemed to deal it a mortal blow (i.e. burn that s**t down), but then we've got Heracles running around spouting his own set of nonsenses. Thank Gods that there's a woman to take care of him if you know what I mean.

So burning solves the problem, but then we've got this tangled mess of meat left laying around putrefying on the ground. It's not gonna grow any more heads (how the f**k is that possible), but someone's gonna wonder where it came from, what it was, and why it's so damn stinky.

Oops! Curiosity just recreated Democracy. The heads pop out again. Heracles is boiling in his own fats while his lady says, "O My!". While he's waving his hands around like Olive Oil before Bluto sticks it in her the hydra wanders off to groom and grow. "One head's better than none," it thinks and in pondering it's own existence pops out two more.

F**k! It didn't need Heracles to chop it up. It needed human thought - rational or irrational. It doesn't matter. That f****r can pop out heads and heads without end. Every one of 'em has to eat something. (What does a Hydra eat anyway?) At the very least every new snake brain takes some combination of calories to continue its existence.

Okay. Okay. Calm down. There's a way to solve this. Let's pick a head to live and then remove the others.

F**k! That just doubled the number of heads plus one. (That one's for the hydra's own vote, which it has now because why not work our way all the way back to first principles - one particle, one vote?) There's no way to stop this thing.

Wait! What if we ignore it. *Pop* - another head.

No worries. Let's just ease into this thing. *Pop*

*Pop*
*Pop*

Okay. It's got a pattern. We do x and *Pop*. We do y and *Pop*. Even now when we did z *Pop*. It's f*****g indefatigable. No!

It's human.

Author's Note

Maybe it's best not to think about it. *Pop*