Last GoodBye

Whole twenty-ten went in your wait.

Mind getting tortured daily through this heavy weight

I know now that’s its GAME OVER for me n' you

Just can't handle this mind boggling argue

 

Thought that you will come back one day

Now can't hold it back and just wanna convey

Just listen girl what am gonna say

Broke my heart and now I want You to go away

Enough of the pain that i feel everyday

Feelings for ya were dying inside me by each passing day

 

Can't feel it anymore, Maybe went away too far from this shore

And it feels like am knocking heavily on the heaven's doors

Still want ya to be happy in every condition

NO regret or remorse of our breakin'

 

But don't you worry, You will not get less than what ya deserve

Just remember all love that has to be preserve

And if You ever find me passing by

Just ignore me then, As this my LAST GOOD BYE..!!

 

 

Reviews

[Ace D Portgas]

This was a good, emotional poem. Enjoyed reading it! Loved the rhyming scheme and flow of it too. Also has a fitting title and like how you dropped the title in the last line too.

[Nishant Gupta]

nice one read mine too "QUEST OF LIFE".

[prodicallife]

XICOR,
To be honest great idea, simple words, full of emotions and a very clear view of the scene. I appericiate this writting but, a few things....

1-) A few of the grammatical errors in 2nd stanza i think you can very easily over come those.
2-) Really sorry to say that the flow was going so well untill third stanza where you left a fault which caused a staggerdnes in my brain while i was easily flowing into the emotions.

The best part was the last line where you concluded it very well.
I appericiate your writting

Keep up the good work
Regards
PRODICAL

[...]

I really liked this write, the meotions and tug i got on my heart,
You did a wonderful write here. Love it!!

[_]

Nice! You want someone to leave you alone and you did just that in your peom pardon me if i sound melodramtic but still this is a great poem, live your life from what was robbed from the pain of your old "love" good poem.

[Teri B]

...and sometimes, it's better to let it go, and move on! You can't get blood from a stone.

[Kalpit]

Great poem.. everything good.. just somewhere, just two or three places, i felt its not rhyming.. like in this one:

"Can't feel it anymore, Maybe went away too far from this shore
And it feels like am knocking heavily on the heaven's doors
Still want ya to be happy in every condition
NO regret or remorse of our breakin'

But yes.. good one.. your imagination can be clearly seen in this one..

I personally liked this one:

"Thought that you will come back one day
Now can't hold it back and just wanna convey
Just listen girl what am gonna say
Broke my heart and now I want You to go away
Enough of the pain that i feel everyday
Feelings for ya were dying inside me by each passing day."

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

Alright, starting out here. Apparently by the title I could already tell it would have some mention of suicide in it. Which, I was right.
Two, I know this is a really emotional write, that's why it's not well written all the way through. I'm not gonna go easy on you on this one.
First stanza, fine.
Second stanza
"[I] thought that you [would] come back one day
Now [I] can't hold it back and just wanna convey
Just listen girl [to] what [I] gonna say
[You] broke my heart and now I want You to go away
Enough of the pain that I feel everyday
Feelings for ya were dying inside me by each passing day"
Is how I think, grammarically, it should run.

3rd stanza.
"Can't feei it anymore. Maybe [we] went away too far from this shore
And it feels like [I'm/I am] knocking gheavily on the Heaven's doors
Still want ya to be happy in every condition
No regret or remorse of our breakin'"
Not too many mistakes in that one at all
4th stanza. Preseve, should be preserved

The rest if fine..

Now time for good criticism. I like how this flowed through and the rhymes are easy. It's got a good topic tho I don't really like the dark taint of suicide through it. I just want to know the person is safe. The emotion does roll through it and you can vividly see how much the person is hurting throughout it. Not wanitng to leave the girl, but knowing he has to.

Overall, a good write.

-Marie-

[Black]

a nice poem
well penned

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

A sublime poem, excellent read :)