My mind likes to eat itself alive.

My cavern is growing more entrenched in its own cracks,
molded pride that eats like a starving dog, never satisfied
like my own curiosity of lies and life and things that
aren't supposed to be explained.

Yes, I have infiltrated your kingdoms,
the ones inside your head and heart and
I have taken my one man army and bred its
hate into an armageddon only I'm invited to;

because you would never come

like that day in the airport when you left me stranded,
chewing on my hair out of anxiety like an orphan girl
ready to be upbroughtright into a society that
doesn't want her or need her, honestly

or that time when you went to my home just to see the lights
and you left me chewing on my nails never knowing, because
that's just what stupid f*****g girls do when they can feel
something breathing and beating and living on the insides
of their stomachs that wasn't meant to be there

So, yeah, you could say I've been waiting and believing in
things like you and god and those people who hold your
hand at night, but in those caverns it's just me watching
the water erode my insides til there's only sand left
to be made into pearls and by then there's not
even a grain left of me anymore


And, f**k, I'm going to have to find a way to deal with that
because the silence of the waves is making me wonder
that maybe I'd rather them eat me clean away than
to keep trying to fight off my own heartbreak.