Flummoxed ...

Random rant .. based on reflections of a friend ...

 

 

The ring of the telephone heralds the news.
News of your fame
And my ..... oblivion.

My mind wanders. It's been a year
Since Estrangement achieved Her pinnacle
And I was relieved from the traffic
Of one-way lanes of emotions.
Ever since have I felt free ...

Y-e-s, I a-m free

I feel F-R-E-E ...


But ...




It's dark.
I feel the twiners creeping up my legs again.
I feel the old shackles renewing their grip on me.
And I feel the rusted bolt tightening somewhere in my mind,
Slowly but s-u-r-e-l-y ...

Such is the power of feelings,
That they can never be erased nor eradicated?

Or ..

Is it the prowess of Fame?

 

Reviews

[Shalini R]

i seriously love this
i can completely relate to whats goin on here
you think youre free, and turns out youre being captured yet again
i like how you stayed away from... cliched and dull language
its what i try to do- nice example you gave me to follow!
great job

[poetic soul]

nice thought and nice way of putting it up! the power of feelings is a positive power but here you jus showed the other side of coin.. nice one..
:)

Regards,
Poetic Soul

[Bubo]

I feel the twiners creeping up my legs again.
I feel the old shackles renewing their grip on me.
And I feel the rusted bolt tightening somewhere in my mind,

Interesting piece with a question and emotion entwined, thinking your over something, over someone
but then suddenly your thrust back in that dark spot.........but is it the person you miss, or the things
they could have shared with you?
I think freedom is a better choice!!
Great write, really makes you think.

[joshua rainbird]

I like the estrangement, pinnacle idea being the line above the one way traffic as it evokes a feeling of someone teetering on a ledge ready to jump. With the second half of the poem being devoted to feeling trapped contrasting with the former freedom, a curious ambivalence develops as if the emotions, although frightening are entertained.

I would question the use of hyphens to lengthen some words as the vowels in AM, FREELY and SURELY already slur the metre and the hyphens draw the eye's attention too heavily to the altered layout of the words. Likewise, I feel the dots are unnecessary and I would question the capitalisations.

I love the word 'twiners'. I've never encountered it before but instantly it conjured an image of bindweed. The 'rusted bolt' made me uncomfortable - fab.

Lastly, I would've substituted the word 'this' for 'it' in the last line as a subjective rhetoric is more inviting.