Stars like dust float around me..

The glitter in her eyes...
Was reason enough
For the rhapsodic fluid to fill my soul....

Was the glitter fake?
Did Pretence play her,
As She plays every other man that sports a smiling face??

They say that your aspirations
Do come true when the time is ripe....
The stars bow to you all at once....
True indeed...for today...
Stars like dust float around me....
Alas!For I am a shooting star....
Whose ecstacy is but short-lived..
And biting the dust will my flame extinguish...
... A corpse trudging through the cycle of life...

Oh!! Why did she spurn me so??
I remember the day well...
The fire inside her....
Flickering like a candle thrown to the wind...
As she looked from me to the blonde
..That lay unclothed on the sheet of linen...
No questions were asked....just a pause of eternity..

There she lay.. the fresh wreath on her bosom
Embarrassed that such a dewy face....
Required His services before the grass dried....
And the flowers do give me a cursing look
As if she hath silently whispered to them:
"Behold your Prince... who gave his body to a w***e and his soul to the Devil.."

The dagger I take out... but then slide it back....
For this is my punishment...
She never sought my explanation...
But how I wish she had asked for one....
For things might have been different then...

But I guess this is how the corpse...
Which today is crowned King...
Will doth trudge along till he falls....

Stars like dust float around me.....
But alas!! I am but a shooting star....

Reviews

[Christina Harper: Sitti..]

"Stars like dust float around me.....
But alas!! I am but a shooting star...."

Wow. Very wow. Uber wow. That was THE single most powerful line in this piece. And, for that, I congratulate you. I agree with Katie that the ellipses were a bit repetitive. I think you should reconsider where you want the reader to take extra pause and use your ellipses then, rather than at the end of every line. Also, I think, even though I said the last line was your most powereful, that the "But alas!!" part of it should be taken out and replaced with something else, seeing as how you use "but" already in that line.

Great piece, though. I really liked this a lot.

[Katie Lynn]

I like the idea, but the "..." got a bit repetitive and I started to drift away from the poem rather than into it. maybe if you just assume we will pause at each line...
besides that its a great poem