After Dark - Chapter Eleven

After Dark - Chapter Eleven

A Chapter by lawrence bear
"

Kill or be killed

"

His horse, spooked by the beast in the shadows, jumps and Paul’s gun rings a shot as he tumbles rolling on the ground near the edge of the cliff; he quickly searches for his rifle hopeful it did not fall over. His searching hands find the rifle and while grasping it, he reloaded and took aim. The beast’s eyes seem to spark as it snarled. Slowly it crept closer hunching down and then it leapt into action, but before Paul can get a chance to realize what was going on.

 

A shot echoed finding its target, the beast bellows in pain. Greg fires from the tree connecting his mark, a stunned Paul barely leapt out of the way as the beast flip-flops beside him. He then turns and fires also. The beast lets out a wail of pain. Paul reloads and shoots again, another gunshot, and another, which ripples down into the valley. Followed by another cry from the beast, until Paul’s gun bore no more bullets and no more dreadful howls were heard from the beast.




© 2011 lawrence bear



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OK I think you need a comma after "His horse" Also you start out with pass tense His horse spooked . . . and then it is present tense jumps, rings, tumbles etc. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


hmmm I read it and THOUGHT I commented, but must have just thought it lol. It reads really well. I'd say you have a really STRONG "skeleton" to build this story on. :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on August 26, 2010
Last Updated on December 11, 2011
Tags: fantasy, thriller, horror, suspense, mystery
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After Dark


Author

lawrence bear
lawrence bear

Fisher River, Northern Manitoba, Canada



About
Thank you for visiting my place of work, I hope you enjoy what you read. I do try my best to entertain. My imagination runs wild at times, but I love the freedom. more..

Writing
THEY THEY

A Story by lawrence bear