It was you

playing with the lives of others can cost greatly.

The whistling Tree at Night's remorse

Splashing waves with a gentle force

The running wind at super speed 

Foolish was I, foolish indeed

The chirping Sun that sat on a cloud

swallowing thunders, crashing loud

rain covered blood from red to blue

I had no idea it was you

Silent bullet said no name

just for money, bragging fame

Laughing Gun I held in hand

Friendly corpse where my feet do stand

Blinding dreams I hung my head

Pushing all noise, "he's dead, he's dead!"

How could I know in the confusing brew

A mistake costs lives, that mistake chose you

Reviews

[Dtrab1]

The last line really got me. Wow, crazy how a simple sentence makes you feel so many emotions. 😞

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Yes a powerful thing when one makes grave mistakes. Thank you for reading

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"A mistake costs lives, that mistake chose you"

Hmm true. And aren't some mistakes unintentional? You don't really mean it yet to fall headfirst into ruining someone's life...
I like your philosophical writes, Sire 😊

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Yes some mistakes just happen, but the factor would be the person, place and time. It really all depended on who was there at the moment. 😉

[Dr. YumnaKay]

True indeed. You don't get to choose sometimes 😉

[Ana Papaya]

Powerful. Not sure what else to say.
Guilt is a terrible thing to bear.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

My Dear Papaya thank you very much, yes guilt is the worst crime. Crime is just an action, but guilt is the worst memory

[QuayvonS]

I love how you describe the nouns in this poem, especially:
-chirping Sun
-Laughing Gun
-Blinding dreams
These pairing of words really makes the reader think of the contrasting emotions the character is experiencing.
Nice Work!

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

I appreciate that very deep thought review! Thank you very much for stopping by, I dont believe we have met before. I will take a look at your profile! Thank you once again.
Drift & Pulse

[QuayvonS]

It was my pleasure! Thank you for taking a look at my profile, I hope you enjoy some of my writings!

[KTizzle]

The word do in the 3rd stanza throws me off a little.

Otherwise i loved the flow of this and the structure.

Great job.

-jazz

[zunie frost]

Blinding dreams I hung my head
Pushing all noise, "he's dead, he's dead!"
How could I know in the confusing brew
A mistake costs lives, that mistake chose you


these lines are like magic
really " i enjoyed reading it "
thanks for sharing such an excellent work

[BookWorm]

I was really really into this poem. Like I think I read it three times before realizing time hadn't actually stopped. You should really keep writing stuff like this, I think this is my favorite piece by you.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Flattered! :)

[Ink Seductress]

Wow, honestly the lull of this poem was hypnotic in itself. It really drew me in until I fell under this trance-like state. Beautifully penned, can't wait to read more of your work :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

It was my goal and I see now that I have reached it, thank you very much

[Ink Seductress]

It was my pleasure. Maybe you can stop by my page and read something of mine. My writing usually tends to be on the darker side and every now and then I dabble in erotica.

[Zahra]

Really beautiful imagery, it's a very good poem. Keep it up!

[Davidgeo]

Look at you... all skilled after all and such...

Its good I like it. Good form.

You don't suck. I wouldn't really change much, this is yours and it's just fine as it is.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Ive been waiting for a good review! finally! lol