When Time Ticks

When Time Ticks

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

In collaboration with Nickdykstra..

"
As time TICKS so does our lives,

There's a certain era for these cries.
 
Reminisce of the remaining story lies,
 
Relying the end to present a prize.
 
The solution of this has to thrive,
 
It's nothing simple but destructible lies.

Protect one another from the other,
 
Obstacles twisting within another.
 
Created and caused trying to smother,
 
Making each wear certain attire.
 
As time ticks further I realize,
 
That what a blessing it has been in disguise.
 
Though we move forward,
 
Not knowing what's in store for us
 
In time we will recognize. 

Horrors of the wars should be minimized,
 
All the world left with each to harmonize.
 
Stop looking at heaven and the skies
 
We have the solution, let us improvise.
 
Thus it seems impossible now,
 
We will see it work wonders, be mesmerized. 

Nicholas Dykstra©2016 
Yumna Karim©2016



© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay



Author's Note

Dr. YumnaKay
I know I said I won't be posting anything but this was written earlier..So strictly speaking, I haven't written anything for the past few days😂
So this is a poem where the last 11 lines have been written by me and the rest by Nick..

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Hello lovely, this is nicely done, I'm pleased to see that you've reworked the form so it's more uniform now...it's reads with greater fluidity, and is more cohesive. The content is thought provoking and as I read I thought of what's happening in Syria just one of the many places in strife atm. When poetry prompts you to think critically and universally that's a great gift as far as I'm concerned. There are some great lines but in particular I enjoyed the hope filled words of the second half of the piece. We need those types of attitudes and words to lift us up. Starz x

Posted 11 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

I appreciate your thoughts on this one.. Though I must say not everyone thinks like you do on this i.. read more



Reviews

This is a ripe piece of writing, two minds trying to harmonise but .. only just succeeding. For me this subject needs fewer attempts to create words that rhyme. For me that makes it child-like in parts.. makes me frown and/or smile, rather than my heart be touched.

Things being what they are: Humanity turned on itself, Man demandings victory at any price - that needs more than there is here. For me a flow of emotionally concise words are needed rather than sometimes gulped phrases - however finely laid.

Forgive my honesty, but i so wanted to read this particular collaboration.. that is what i've been searching for, Yumna, for some time. But, having read it twice, i think you'd prefer me to say how i feel.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emmajoy

3 Months Ago

Thank you for accepting my thoughts, they aren't meant to offend. So many people read and run, afrai.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

3 Months Ago

Aye, of course I do. During all this time in the cafe, I've come to know the very best of people who.. read more
emmajoy

3 Months Ago

Must away... later hopefully, life allowing. Tarrah.
Aha I found it ;) lol :P.

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Months Ago

Haha cool! Thank you for checking this out, Kesha 😊
Kesha

6 Months Ago

Haha you're welcome
Time really can be something so provoking in our lives

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Yes true.... And mostly when we want it to stop...
"There's a certain era for these cries."
This line caught my attention. Thought provoking.
The need of the hopeful words which comes flowing down when nearing the end is a quintessential thing required b today.
"Stop looking at heaven and the skies
We have the solution, let us improvise."
A very straight forward and wise line.
A nice write.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

10 Months Ago

Thank you so much, Atiba! Certainly hope and the need to do something ourselves is what we should be.. read more
The dark story

10 Months Ago

It's a pleasure. Yes, true. Having that very thought can make a big difference
Great work you two!
I loved the way it all ends on a hopeful note.

Collaborations are always fun! :D
Keep going!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Hey thank you so much! Yes I loved collaborating with Nick! It's actually my second piece with him :.. read more
Jyoti_Ablaze

11 Months Ago

Pleasure's all mine girl!
Keep going!
Reading this poem makes me realise just how difficult it is to compose poetry in partnership with another poet.
There is no doubting the worthiness of your message; that is very well outlined and your words are hopeful and full of wisdom.
My only problem is the poem has a stilted flow, certainly because it is a co-written piece. Poets of similar style can maintain a uniform flow throughout a piece. Reading this makes it seem like there are differences in the styles of writing between you and your partner. This appears most at the source of your rhymes and its unorthodox structure. Something perhaps to have a closer look at to make the piece flow gently.

Otherwise, marks for trying a difficult format and having a hopeful theme with a generous message.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

You do have a point, I agree.. Collaborating isn't easy especially if the partner is from across the.. read more
I agree my friend.
"Stop looking at heaven and the skies
We have the solution, let us improvise."
We need a positive outlook or we will become lost. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Thank you, yes indeed.. I'm glad you liked it :)
Coyote Poetry

11 Months Ago

I did enjoy and you are welcome.
I love your collaborations! This poem has a nice flow,
we need to do something so that we can change how the world looks like today. We have to be the voice

Posted 11 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Cool! Will do ☺ though my last message remains unattended 😂😂😂
Giullia King

11 Months Ago

I'll message you!
Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Lol sorry kidding 😉 feel free though 😊
This is a lovely piece that brings hope to the ones who are desperate at the moment, either under the stress of life or the horror of war. Good work!

Posted 11 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

A positive attitude is what we need, yes! Thank you! I'm glad you liked it 😊
This is beautiful. It rhymes very nice and those words able to deliver the message clearly. You're right. We need to do something in order to change. Unfortunately, some people didn't realise that. You did a great job on writing this poem. Love it very much. :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Hey thank you! I'm glad you liked and understood the message here.. I have co-written this piece wit.. read more

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Added on December 18, 2016
Last Updated on August 7, 2017


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan



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