Second Thoughts

Second Thoughts

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Experimental writing.

"
Wanting. 
Feeling wanted. 
That was what she wanted. 

She'd waited too long for this moment to arrive. But now, when it was finally there, that she was finally going to do it, she'd started having second thoughts. For tonight was the night that they were going to try. Her second thoughts weren't even because she doubted him. No, she felt sure. He was the right one for her. And she'd waited far too long to let this moment pass. "Get a grip!", she told herself. 

"What was it?", she asked herself. Reflecting on her inner thoughts, she probed for the answers that were making her restless. Incompatibility. That was the word that sprang in her mind when she searched herself. They were compatible enough when it came to ideas and opinions. Nearly agreed upon everything. But whether they would be compatible enough in bed, that was the question. Or rather, whether she would be compatible enough. "What if I mess it up?", she couldn't stop herself from thinking this even now, when she knew they were going to do it anyway. But she was afraid for after. "What if he realizes we can't get along fine?", thoughts came creeping in. She was much too agitated and that was when he entered. 

He was much too relaxed, and threw a casual smile towards her which she tried to return, her mouth now completely dry. She bowed her head, while eyeing his every move from a sideways glance. He'd started taking off his shoes. His tie. She couldn't believe herself that it was now, that at this time she was faltering. She put on a brave face, plastering a smile on her face and got up. Facing him. It was now or never. At least she would know. 
Some worries are better left for another time...
                                                  
                *************************                                



© 2018 Dr. YumnaKay



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Featured Review

Aye, this reminded me of those short stories they make you read in high school (oh, yeah. Even in this genre. Tells you a lot about America)
anyway, one of those stories from high school reminded me of this. The woman and man are fighting. The whole story is a play. Instead of words, it was tone. Like this
woman: exaggerated speech, question?
Man: defensive answer, childish insult.

With only those words we could tell the story! Thus proving that tone was more important than the words. This was one of those stories. The tone was the most powerful thing in here. And... Haha, this was the most innocent tone ever, ironically. Considering what this story was preceding. Hahaha. Nice job yumna!

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

3 Months Ago

Well, seeing as the writer of this piece is as innocent as ever, of course ;) lol jk
I think.. read more



Reviews

There is such an anxious honesty that flows through this river of thoughts. The moment, one of excitement and fear, seems to crash over her with dark, ominous waves, wishing perhaps that love could take another path, at least for a few more breaths. And yes... that line is a perfect line... "Some worries are better left for another time..." Maybe all such worries...

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Month Ago

The small optimistic in me likes that line too ;) thank you so much for reading, Craig. Appreciate y.. read more
An owl on the moon

1 Month Ago

I watch too much news... the world is madness... so hoping that the seed of optimism in you grows fu.. read more
I think these are thoughts that many people might go through, but not something that anyone says out loud. That makes this story relatable to a lot of people. I'll confess I've never found myself in such a position or fix, but I could understand what was going through her head.
I wonder what you are experimenting on with this writing; the idea or the way you presented it. Both were really fine, though. :)

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Month Ago

Ah, I haven't been through a situation like this either but it was interesting to explore from that .. read more
A great couple of opening lines and then.... it gets even better.. a well crafted and essentially very easy to relate to bit o writing.... Neville

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Month Ago

I'm glad you like and relate to it, Neville. Thanks so much for reading :)
Neville Pettitt

1 Month Ago

no problem, always a pleasure... N
If this had not been a part of your book on what appears to have fantasy-fiction and noir, I would have read this as a first-person account of a gullible, fault-less but nervous female protagonist. What is exciting is how it can be read in both ways, the predator prepping herself or even the null before a storm of a date gone horribly wrong.

Your writing is sharp, crisp and evocative. Very nicely done.

Best,
M.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

2 Months Ago

:D haha well then I'm glad you read it now because I only added it as a chapter a few days back. lol.. read more
θεά 

2 Months Ago

My pleasure, Yumma.
Intriguing, sensitive, hesitant writing.. a situation that too often has, does and always will crop up. By that not necessarily a sexual situation but a time when one asks.. 'Should I? ' It's not even the actual happening but, the doubt about the aftermath, whether or not one ever truly recovers, whether or not there'll be scars left. Your wording is wrapped in both excitment but fear.. and yet, you're expressing your very own feelings with a logical complicity. Your character, whether it be Self or Imagined.. has much to learn yet has instinctive strengths, Fine writing with your absolute flair for laying words..

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

2 Months Ago

While the character is very much fictional, the feelings and thoughts here are very real. ..
.. read more
emmajoy

2 Months Ago

You - above many, know your own mind. x
Aye, this reminded me of those short stories they make you read in high school (oh, yeah. Even in this genre. Tells you a lot about America)
anyway, one of those stories from high school reminded me of this. The woman and man are fighting. The whole story is a play. Instead of words, it was tone. Like this
woman: exaggerated speech, question?
Man: defensive answer, childish insult.

With only those words we could tell the story! Thus proving that tone was more important than the words. This was one of those stories. The tone was the most powerful thing in here. And... Haha, this was the most innocent tone ever, ironically. Considering what this story was preceding. Hahaha. Nice job yumna!

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

3 Months Ago

Well, seeing as the writer of this piece is as innocent as ever, of course ;) lol jk
I think.. read more
Even tho, on the surface, this is written with specificity about an anticipated/dreaded sexual encounter, I like the way your story could also apply to any other kind of human experience where the person is feeling as if on a "jumping off" point in life. I like the true-to-life ambivalence, becuz almost nothing is purely good or purely bad (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Reading this piece again now, I can relate to another situation I'm in where the contemplating on wh.. read more
An eloquent and perceptive portrayal.
Something, I suppose, that might once have been described as "a slice of life." Today, such offerings are most often categorized "flash fiction."
In any event, "Second Thoughts" is high-level work.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review, Jimmy. Appreciated 😊
I very much enjoyed this, well done

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed 😊
Yumna Hi. I've only just happened upon this for some reason even though there are comments from 5 months ago. (My technical relationship with WC leaves something to be desired ...)

Well everybody else has said all the things about insecurity vs bravado, and I totally agree with that. However, I'm slightly perplexed about the apparent nothing to everything transition, when there are oftentimes a few intermediate stages which 'test out' compatibility. I note the reference to his tie - is this perhaps a wedding night story set in a culture where pre-marriage 'courting' is closely supervised? And if so, should the apprehension extend to married life as well?

As far as the writing itself is concerned, I LOVE the opening 3 lines. Very clever. Very apt. Succinct but they say so much. Bravo!

Thereafter I found a couple of proof-read things
- far too longer (?)
- sprang up her mind (?)
- while eyed his every move (?)
- some worries are better left off (?)

It's interesting that once we're past those first 3 lines the whole story is about apprehension. Given that you've called it 2nd Thoughts this makes perfect sense. And yet I wonder if the desire they presumably feel for each other (i.e. beyond thoughts and opinions) should at least be acknowledged.

I hope these comments are helpful and that I'm not offending or being too base - sorry if it seems so.

Regards
Nigel

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Oh that had nothing to do with WC, I decided to repost it again today having worked on it a bit. Cle.. read more

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Added on February 15, 2017
Last Updated on September 23, 2018



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