Second Thoughts

Second Thoughts

A Story by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Experimental writing.

"
Wanting. 
Feeling wanted. 
That was what she wanted. 

She'd waited too long for this moment to arrive. But now, when it was finally there, that she was finally going to do it, she'd started having second thoughts. For tonight was the night that they were going to try. Her second thoughts weren't even because she doubted him. No, she felt sure. He was the right one for her. And she'd waited far too long to let this moment pass. "Get a grip!", she told herself. 

"What was it?", she asked herself. Reflecting on her inner thoughts, she probed for the answers that were making her restless. Incompatibility. That was the word that sprang in her mind when she searched herself. They were compatible enough when it came to ideas and opinions. Nearly agreed upon everything. But whether they would be compatible enough in bed, that was the question. Or rather, whether she would be compatible enough. "What if I mess it up?", she couldn't stop herself from thinking this even now, when she knew they were going to do it anyway. But she was afraid for after. "What if he realizes we can't get along fine?", thoughts came creeping in. She was much too agitated and that was when he entered. 

He was much too relaxed, and threw a casual smile towards her which she tried to return, her mouth now completely dry. She bowed her head, while eyeing his every move from a sideways glance. He'd started taking off his shoes. His tie. She couldn't believe herself that it was now, that at this time she was faltering. She put on a brave face, plastering a smile on her face and got up. Facing him. It was now or never. At least she would know. 
Some worries are better left for another time...
                                                  
                *************************                                

© 2018 Dr. YumnaKay



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Aye, this reminded me of those short stories they make you read in high school (oh, yeah. Even in this genre. Tells you a lot about America)
anyway, one of those stories from high school reminded me of this. The woman and man are fighting. The whole story is a play. Instead of words, it was tone. Like this
woman: exaggerated speech, question?
Man: defensive answer, childish insult.

With only those words we could tell the story! Thus proving that tone was more important than the words. This was one of those stories. The tone was the most powerful thing in here. And... Haha, this was the most innocent tone ever, ironically. Considering what this story was preceding. Hahaha. Nice job yumna!

Posted 4 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

3 Days Ago

Well, seeing as the writer of this piece is as innocent as ever, of course ;) lol jk
I think.. read more



Reviews

Aye, this reminded me of those short stories they make you read in high school (oh, yeah. Even in this genre. Tells you a lot about America)
anyway, one of those stories from high school reminded me of this. The woman and man are fighting. The whole story is a play. Instead of words, it was tone. Like this
woman: exaggerated speech, question?
Man: defensive answer, childish insult.

With only those words we could tell the story! Thus proving that tone was more important than the words. This was one of those stories. The tone was the most powerful thing in here. And... Haha, this was the most innocent tone ever, ironically. Considering what this story was preceding. Hahaha. Nice job yumna!

Posted 4 Days Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

3 Days Ago

Well, seeing as the writer of this piece is as innocent as ever, of course ;) lol jk
I think.. read more
Even tho, on the surface, this is written with specificity about an anticipated/dreaded sexual encounter, I like the way your story could also apply to any other kind of human experience where the person is feeling as if on a "jumping off" point in life. I like the true-to-life ambivalence, becuz almost nothing is purely good or purely bad (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Reading this piece again now, I can relate to another situation I'm in where the contemplating on wh.. read more
An eloquent and perceptive portrayal.
Something, I suppose, that might once have been described as "a slice of life." Today, such offerings are most often categorized "flash fiction."
In any event, "Second Thoughts" is high-level work.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

10 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review, Jimmy. Appreciated 😊
I very much enjoyed this, well done

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you. Glad you enjoyed 😊
Yumna Hi. I've only just happened upon this for some reason even though there are comments from 5 months ago. (My technical relationship with WC leaves something to be desired ...)

Well everybody else has said all the things about insecurity vs bravado, and I totally agree with that. However, I'm slightly perplexed about the apparent nothing to everything transition, when there are oftentimes a few intermediate stages which 'test out' compatibility. I note the reference to his tie - is this perhaps a wedding night story set in a culture where pre-marriage 'courting' is closely supervised? And if so, should the apprehension extend to married life as well?

As far as the writing itself is concerned, I LOVE the opening 3 lines. Very clever. Very apt. Succinct but they say so much. Bravo!

Thereafter I found a couple of proof-read things
- far too longer (?)
- sprang up her mind (?)
- while eyed his every move (?)
- some worries are better left off (?)

It's interesting that once we're past those first 3 lines the whole story is about apprehension. Given that you've called it 2nd Thoughts this makes perfect sense. And yet I wonder if the desire they presumably feel for each other (i.e. beyond thoughts and opinions) should at least be acknowledged.

I hope these comments are helpful and that I'm not offending or being too base - sorry if it seems so.

Regards
Nigel

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Oh that had nothing to do with WC, I decided to repost it again today having worked on it a bit. Cle.. read more
Erotica with a thoughtful attitude behind it. The uncertainties before doing it with someone you entirely adore. Understandable somehow. It's softly erotic, not raunchy just nicely capturing how it is. I liked the first part a lot, the contemplating part. Maybe because I always do so too but in general. I'm the emotional type though, uncertainties might be washed away in the moment similar to your ending. I also think you'd expand on that.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Closed

1 Year Ago

Noo abs not. I can tell by experience 😛😇😏
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Haha I know you can 😂 😛
Closed

1 Year Ago

Good. I'm glad I can, actually. Lol.
Make it longer, Yumna! I flows beautifully, my friend :)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

1 Year Ago

Make it longer...make it bigger...make it glow in the dark...you women are never satisfied...
.. read more
Giullia King

1 Year Ago

HAHAHAHAAHA
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Hahahah yeah I'm working on this one, Gullia! Thank you 😊💜
This was a fun read and a nice expression of emotions.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you, David! I'm glad you liked it ☺
A wonderful description of the nervous anticipation of coming together intimately for the first time...

It's a salutary reminder to we guys that most girls need a lot of reassurance and gentle foreplay to relax them and help them to enjoy the moment...

Sometimes we guys feel very nervous and inadequate too!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your thoughts here, Jibey! I feel as if both sides are misunderstood in this aspect .. read more
Boys/guys feel exactly the same way when that time comes around. They have bragged so much in front of their mates and spoke like experts but they are afraid in many instances.
I think you captured a universal truth - those myriad thoughts assailing, very well and conveyed it very well to the reader. No wonder the first time is mostly a fumbling more than anything.
I'm sure this will be relatable to most Yumna.
Well done my friend :))

Oh and may I add that you really conveyed the differences between the characters in terms of experiences loudly but subtly and skilfully.


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tony Jordan

1 Year Ago

Yes I agree.
I think here you've went beyond a 'merely' erotica - and when I say that I don't.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Err right.. ☺
Tony Jordan

1 Year Ago

haha - let it sink in...
xDD

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Added on February 15, 2017
Last Updated on August 9, 2018

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Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Pakistan



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Just someone trying to blend in with the writing world and still trying to hold my own. P.S I do not respond to read requests unless they particularly appeal to me in some way, neith.. more..

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