Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay

"Speak," the cold raspy voice on the phone said. Just the sound of hearing it was enough to cause Julian to break out into a cold sweat.     

“Sir, we’re ready and in position.” He spoke without further ado. “Whenever you say, we’ll be on it.” 

The man on the phone made a guttural sound and said, “You have one hour to reach the airport and board the plane. Make sure you don’t get noticed as other than what you intend to, is that clear? His voice was almost a sneer as if he doubted Julian’s abilities. “Yes, sir.”
 
“One more thing,” the voice said with more urgency. “Whatever happens, make sure no harm comes to my special guest on the plane or I’ll be sure to wipe your f*****g face off this earth!” The threat in the man’s voice caused a stammer in Julian’s voice, “Ye.. yes, sir, I understand.”

After a measured pause he asked a question to which he had little hope of being answered. “How would we recognize the guest, sir? If you could just…”

“I have told you! You don’t need to know now! When you’ll be aboard my man there would lead you to it! You are on a need to know basis on this mission, understand?” The man said, suppressing his anger.

“Okay, sir. I got it.” Julian voice unintentionally turned meek.

The connection then went dead and Julian began sweating profusely. Doubt started to invade his mind as he began asking himself as to why he’d agreed upon the job.
 
He was in his mid-twenties, handsome with dark features. He crossed the room to look at himself in the mirror. The man that looked back was nothing like he was some years back. From days of careful planning, he had developed dark shadows under his eyes due to lack of sleep, still that could not mar the godly features he did have. 

He looked at his now unkempt jet black hair and wondered when it was that he had properly washed them. He could easily pass himself off as a fashion or catwalk model. But his looks were as deceptive as he was and no one could ever guess he was part of some syndicate criminal underworld now.

Just a quick wash then, he decided and dashed into the attached bath of the room. Coming out, he felt better, more alert. His thoughts wandered off as they always did to the future he’d barely missed to have.

But life isn’t always fair. He thought bitterly. He’d thought of building a career, thought about settling down with a beautiful wife, starting a family but his circumstances and a heart break earlier in life ruined everything. He shrugged off that thought. You don’t have to think about that. Not now. He told himself sternly. Turning to the matter in hand, he started to plan the strike.
 
He’d received a call about hi jacking an international flight bound for Paris about a month back. At first he’d refused because it was too dangerous and the thought of getting caught and sent to jail made him contemplate. But the man’s influence made him rethink. Plus, the amount he was being offered was enough to establish a career if he succeeded. After all, it was just the taking over of a plane, no biggy. He reassured himself for the umpteenth time.  
 
Bracing himself, he called on to Kevin who was in the next room of their rented apartment. They had been roommates ever since he’d left college and had come to live in Chicago. It was an accidental meeting at a law firm that brought them together and he was grateful for it.

Ducking into his room, Kevin entered. A quick glance at Kevin showed him he was as tense as he was because he kept running his hands over his mop of brown hair, attempting to lay them flat but failing to do so. 
 
“Hey, pal! You ready to be the hero?” Julian smiled a little at the thought that Kevin still had the guts to be this cool even though they were going to gatecrash a plane.

“Yup, I’m friggin’ ready!” He replied while trying to act his cool.

“Let’s smash it mate!” Giving him a high five, he jumped around bouncing like a maniac, grabbing the keys of the Chevy that had been as old as him.

“Cool it, bro! It ain’t that easy like you think it is!” Julian couldn’t stop himself from voicing some of his fears.

“Really?” Kevin’s tone dripped with sarcasm. “Since when have you been so shaky as to your options?”

“Nah, it’s not that. I’m just.." His voice trailed off. “Let’s get going.” He told him after a pause. We’ve to pick Drake and his two cronies on the way too.

"Okay." Still intrigued, but deciding to remain silent, Kevin followed him out of the room.




© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay



Author's Note

Dr. YumnaKay
Is it boring? Does the story appeal to you so far? Honest opinions, please :)

My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Aloha, quite a shift...unexpected but good at this stage to see other view points. The voice instantly made me sit up he will be interesting to learn especially the motives behind this whole scheme.

I'm almost convinced that Julian is the smiling man sitting behind Jane now.
Overall I enjoyed it... I have a few things to offer...only my personal opinion so please don't feel obliged...

"Speak," the cold raspy voice on the phone said
-- Perhaps this?
"Speak," came cold raspy voice on the phone.

Make sure you don’t get noticed as other than what you intend to, is that clear?
-- Though I know what is being said here maybe it can be said in a simpler manner?
Make sure you don't get noticed anymore than a regular passenger, is that clear?

I see they are in Chicago, so perhaps you might look at the dialogue between Julian & Kevin... there are a few terms in the dialogue that feel slightly out of place.

Will be good to see how all these threads come together. You're doing a good job. Izzy

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Months Ago

Hmm, as per the first suggestion, I'll look into it but Julian isn't going to be on the plane as a p.. read more
Island Hippy

6 Months Ago

You're welcome



Reviews

This story is definitely not boring. The flow is nicely brisk, pulling the reader along with interest. I like the way you describe Julian's physical attributes & a little background for this guy. I can't remember reading any physical description for Jane in the previous chapter, tho. Maybe that would be a good thing to include just a little glimpse.

I did not connect what this chapter has to do with the previous chapter, right in the beginning. I felt a little lost. It wasn't until about halfway thru, talking about hijacking, then I started to see the connection. Maybe it would be good to include something in the very beginning to help us make this connection sooner, like showing us that he's flying to Paris on the same flight.

About 2/3 of the way thru this chapter, this line: "A quick glance at Kevin showed him he was as tense as he was because he kept running his hands over his mop of brown hair, attempting to lay them flat but failing to do so." sounds weird to me. When you are telling a story, just SHOW us how a person feels by describing the nervous hand movements, or whatever, but don't explain becuz the description itself should explain. This is the meaning of "SHOW, don't tell" (the first rule of good writing). Just trust your description to SHOW that he's nervous, instead of also explaining that.

Toward the end, these two guys sound like a couple of amateurs, being nervous & cocky & flippant about what they are about to do. This is a good thing, if it's what you want us to think about these two guys. Hope these comments help you see how your story is coming across to me . . .

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


Aloha, quite a shift...unexpected but good at this stage to see other view points. The voice instantly made me sit up he will be interesting to learn especially the motives behind this whole scheme.

I'm almost convinced that Julian is the smiling man sitting behind Jane now.
Overall I enjoyed it... I have a few things to offer...only my personal opinion so please don't feel obliged...

"Speak," the cold raspy voice on the phone said
-- Perhaps this?
"Speak," came cold raspy voice on the phone.

Make sure you don’t get noticed as other than what you intend to, is that clear?
-- Though I know what is being said here maybe it can be said in a simpler manner?
Make sure you don't get noticed anymore than a regular passenger, is that clear?

I see they are in Chicago, so perhaps you might look at the dialogue between Julian & Kevin... there are a few terms in the dialogue that feel slightly out of place.

Will be good to see how all these threads come together. You're doing a good job. Izzy

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Months Ago

Hmm, as per the first suggestion, I'll look into it but Julian isn't going to be on the plane as a p.. read more
Island Hippy

6 Months Ago

You're welcome
Boring?! Are you serious Yumna? no, not at all!
This chapter led the story into some tense situations, and I'm kinda creeped out as to they could be the hijackers!
The feeling of going on a plane thats soon going to get hijacked in super creepy!!
I really loved this chapter Yumna...
I found a mistake though :P
“Nah, it’s not that. I’m just.. His voice trailed off.
I think it should be
"“Nah, it’s not that. I’m just.." His voice trailed off.
Lol keep it up!

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Hahah that plane aint gonna be hijacked any sooner lol you'll have to wait for that bit 😛
.. read more
Mr.Writer

7 Months Ago

Lol, I'm excited for whats coming next! :D
No problem
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
BBP
You changed viewpoints dramatically and I like the story and the way you can tell it will
Piece together ....



Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

I thought this would build the suspense from a two frame pov ;)
Thank you for the feedback he.. read more
BBP

8 Months Ago

Yeah I liked that you did that. Definitely builds it up! 👍🏼
Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Cool! thanks again :)
It's not boring at all, Yumna! So far so good!
Just one thing; "He could easily pass himself off as a fashion or catwalk model." I feel like you could explain his looks a bit more than just a catwalk model. This will give the reader a more clear picture of how "the model" looks like.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Hm interesting input. I'll definitely work on that one!
Thank you, Gullia! Your words mean a.. read more

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

236 Views
5 Reviews
Rating
Added on March 2, 2017
Last Updated on April 25, 2017


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan



About
~ In search of a new me ~ more..

Writing
Dimensions Dimensions

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay


Tenterhooks Tenterhooks

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..