Eclipse

Eclipse

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
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Primetime: An original form, created by Charlyne “Char” Zurick © 06/24/2010

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Eclipse

This moment and forever,
hopes buried of together;
of ocean tides washing sand, 'neath our feet.

Away with wondrous semblance 
of all thy sweet remembrance;
those starry nights filled with our mingled heat.

Every bit I shall forget!
Tis hard, I must now admit…
when my lonely hand strays beneath the sheet.

Those wint'ry days…coffee sips,
lives o’ershadowed by eclipse;
our love, I'm afraid, remains incomplete...!







© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay



Author's Note

Dr. YumnaKay
A new form which Richard taught me as my learning experience continues 😊

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Featured Review

While I'm not familiar with this form, your rhyme & rhythm feels natural & well-structured. It seems like this message blends the styles of a more formal Elizabethan language mixed with a more casual everyday imagery. Good job for a learning experience!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

5 Months Ago

Thank you for this nice review over my little piece, BG. Truly appreciate your liking 😊



Reviews

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Ty
Such a rhythmic souffle flow to this.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Thank you! I appreciate your words 😊
I should forget about forms and concentrate on the right words.... Put your hand under the sheet and take another blank one :-)



Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Lol yeah the eye sees what they want to see 😛😉
Thank you! 😇😇
The Literary beauty and the feel both shine in your poem. You are presenting your talent in different shades. We are witnessing a fine poetess emerging. Thanks for sharing this.
My salute to your mentor!

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Thank you so much, Bala, for this amazing appreciation! I'm glad you like my efforts!
If it .. read more
Bala Gorthi

7 Months Ago

Thank you both, I get so much. I am enlightened. I wish I had more time to read more.
Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Ahh that's so nice of you to say 😊😊
Great poetic use of words promoting the imagery in this write! When our source of illumination is hidden from view, the obscuring consequences are heartfelt. Loved this ….

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

I agree with your words. I'm glad you liked this. mulțumesc :)
I love that you're trying something different! And every poem is pure perfection :)

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

I'm a restless soul, you know me 😉
Thank you so much, Gullia! That's a great compliment! .. read more
This moment forever,
hopes buried together;
Sand washed away, beneath our feet.

Nice poem, I would change the start to something like the above as I feel it has a better flow.

Keep up the good work.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Actually this specific form required a syllable count of 7/7/10 in its verses. Making the change you.. read more
Shaun Gurmin

7 Months Ago

Okay. What is this specific form? I would be interested in knowing more, maybe I could experiment wi.. read more
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BBP
Always mixing sweet with a bit of bitter sass! Nice combo Yumna. :)

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Isn't it what life is like too? Lol and your novel as well 😛
Thank you, Bev! I appreciate.. read more
I adore this piece Yumna. There is always bittersweet feeling in the unfulfilled desire. Let go with the love for yourself and love for the other. enjoyed reading it.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Thank you so much, Queen! Somehow those unfulfilled desires keep reminding us of their presence even.. read more
Though, it's true, Yumna, that I taught you the form, creativity and originality are those aspects of poetry and writing that must spring forth from one's very core … their mind, heart, soul, and emotions … in such a way that grips the reader's imagination and senses, that makes words take on a life of their own and dance upon the page … as you've so skillfully done in every line and verse of this enthrallingly and tastefully presented piece.
Thank you for the honor of letting me teach you, to help you further develop your potentially amazing skills, and for the pleasure of reading another of your truly heartfelt poems … grateful hugs 'n blessings to you, Yumna! ⁓ Richard : )

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Thank you, Richard! You're always kind in all your appreciations of my work. But you know, I wouldn'.. read more
Richard

7 Months Ago

Paying it forward, Yumna, to one whom wants and deserves it, and what a distinct pleasure you make i.. read more
wow, this reminds me a little of Shakespeare haha ... great work wonderful flow...

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

That's a great compliment! Thank you, WA! Truly appreciate your words! 😊
Writing Angel

7 Months Ago

your welcome!!!

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Added on March 14, 2017
Last Updated on August 7, 2017


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan



About
My writings reflect what I am, have been, and what I seek to be. Most of it is just ramblings in prose but occasionally I'll come up with poetry (if mood be). ~ We are not the same person we were .. more..

Writing
Stranger Stranger

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay



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