In My Heart ~ You'll Stay

In My Heart ~ You'll Stay

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Composed in Eighths 'n Sixes...

"

              

 In My Heart ~ You'll Stay

 

Flowing my veins, your love unchains;

like fire through forests, spreads.

Covered in mist, I can't resist; 

now, we lie in flowery beds.

 

Your loving charm keeps me warm;

doubts before, shied away.

  Swirling oceans, my emotions …

within my heart you'll stay!

 

You lift my soul, making me whole;

catching me unaware;

you kept me there, deep in your prayer;

whispered softly, "I'm here"...





© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay



Author's Note

Dr. YumnaKay
Another one of my learning experiences with Richard ~


My Review

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Featured Review

Such a heartwarming piece ... you did very well with this form. The rhymes sound natural and unforced and the word-flow is seamless and rhythmical. I also love your descriptions in that they're both simple and effective. The visual presentation is a nice bonus too : )

A consideration: In the last two lines, you use the words "unaware," "there," "prayer," and "here," which all sound similar. This off-set the flow as I read, so I suggest changing the rhyme in either the second and fourth lines of the last stanza, or in the third line of the last stanza. This suggestion is, of course, quite subjective since the reading of that could vary based on one's dialect.

- William Liston

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Yes, I agree about your suggestion, William. It does sound similar. I'll be looking into it.
.. read more



Reviews

beautiful.this was expressed so wonderfully.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Thank you! I appreciate your words 😊
Wajiha Nayeem

8 Months Ago

my pleasure..
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Beautiful and so romantic.
Full of love and longing :)
I really liked this poem, i feel the love and emotion :)
Please keep on writing :)

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

I'm glad you feel the emotions here. Thank you, Cimmy. Always appreciate your words. And I will :)
cimmy wuv xxxooo

8 Months Ago

Your very much welcome :)
Oh my goodness, YumnaKay, that was so beautiful! You certainly captured the essence of two people in love.
Really love the photo with your poem too.
Really beautiful poem. Well done :)


Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Thank you for this lovely review, Tina! I'm glad you liked it :) :)
Tina H.W.

8 Months Ago

It was my pleasure entirely. It's a wonderful poem, YumnaKay :)
Haha, it's a smile on my lips after reading your piece..,
It's a desire of aching heart to be one....
Anyways writers can love in a different adorable way than rest of the world,.....
I liked your description here...:)

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Probably the first time you smiled after reading something of mine lol ;)
Thank you for appre.. read more
Surya

8 Months Ago

With heart for first time, it's my pleasure Yumna..:)
Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

haha good to know ;P
Such a heartwarming piece ... you did very well with this form. The rhymes sound natural and unforced and the word-flow is seamless and rhythmical. I also love your descriptions in that they're both simple and effective. The visual presentation is a nice bonus too : )

A consideration: In the last two lines, you use the words "unaware," "there," "prayer," and "here," which all sound similar. This off-set the flow as I read, so I suggest changing the rhyme in either the second and fourth lines of the last stanza, or in the third line of the last stanza. This suggestion is, of course, quite subjective since the reading of that could vary based on one's dialect.

- William Liston

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Yes, I agree about your suggestion, William. It does sound similar. I'll be looking into it.
.. read more
A happy sort of jingle.. somewhat ballad like. You managed the rhyme pretty well and it gives the piece its light-hearted feeling.


Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

Oh oh I'll correct it.. Thank you for the appreciation, Jibey 😉😊
Jibey

8 Months Ago

Always a pleasure to challenge you :-) :-)
Dr. YumnaKay

8 Months Ago

That I've come to know ;) :p

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Added on March 29, 2017
Last Updated on August 7, 2017


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Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan



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