Heaven on Earth

Heaven on Earth

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
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Free Verse...

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Heaven on Earth

All attempts at saving my heart
 from the inevitable failed.
And I fell headfirst 
into the pool of your charms.

You wove a spell, 
surrounded me with your words;
and I, helpless
at the magic that was cast...

beckoning me into 
the warmth of your touch,
which makes my heart aflutter,
leaving me restless;
and wildly so, 
as I await your next touch 
and the traces 
it leaves on my slightly moist skin; 
anticipating
as to the wonders we have 
yet to discover...

I delve deeper, 
not knowing 
where it would lead us,
and with the belief only 
that it will be okay as long as 
we're together...

I smile as our hands intertwine; 
and it feels already like
Heaven on Earth...




© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay



Author's Note

Dr. YumnaKay
Just words...

My Review

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Featured Review

Absolutely beautiful. This is one of those rare pieces that successfully captures a moment's beauty in its essence, and pulls the reader into every detail. I envisioned this like an emotional scene in a movie, with both the action and feeling prevalent throughout. Great job at creating that effect.

A minor quibble: The line "which makes my heart aflutter" took me out of the moment for some reason. Not sure why. Suggestion: making my heart aflutter.

- William Liston

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Months Ago

Thank you for appreciating, William. I'm glad that effect carried out well.
As for your sugg.. read more



Reviews

Absolutely beautiful. This is one of those rare pieces that successfully captures a moment's beauty in its essence, and pulls the reader into every detail. I envisioned this like an emotional scene in a movie, with both the action and feeling prevalent throughout. Great job at creating that effect.

A minor quibble: The line "which makes my heart aflutter" took me out of the moment for some reason. Not sure why. Suggestion: making my heart aflutter.

- William Liston

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Months Ago

Thank you for appreciating, William. I'm glad that effect carried out well.
As for your sugg.. read more
i love the vibe this poem gives me!! the words you used were perfectly descriptive. Such a lovely poem!

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Months Ago

Thank you. Glad you like it. I appreciate your words here 😊
omg it's so nice you can't believe it!
i like your writings but this one is so amazing.
Keep it up!

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Months Ago

Thank you, Jessy. Glad you liked it. That's very nice of you to say 😊
The strongest aspect of this poem is its ideas, they are well expressed and contain substance. My major criticism for this piece would be punctuation, there are many places where it is not needed or uses the wrong punctuation (most notably the liberal use of semicolons). There are also a few places where punctuation is needed. Overall this piece does average, though if the grammatical errors weren't present this would have received an 83 rather than a 75. All in all don't let that discourage you, and keep up the good work.

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Strange cause I learned exactly the opposite. Usually the reader does not know where exactly to paus.. read more
Michael Iam Bone

7 Months Ago

It's about finding a balance between too much and too little
Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Hmm true...
Kind and gentle journey leading to proper and hopeful ending.
"I smile as our hands intertwine;
and it feels already like
Heaven on Earth..."
The above lines. A place, we need to know often in a lifetime. Thank you dear friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Thank you for your appreciation, Coyote. Glad you like it 😊
Coyote Poetry

6 Months Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.
Sorry to hear you've contracted this disease despite the innoculations.:)
This is lovely. I wish I'd written this to a certain someone back in the day.
:)

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

lol that means it's bad :p
Tony Jordan

7 Months Ago

haha - no it's very sprititual...
And you remind me of the main character - Fiver.
Qui.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

haha yeah eccentric I can do with :p
Aloha YumnaKay,
He kehau ho`oma`ema`e ke aloha -- love is like a cleansing mist... this is a traditional expression of love in Hawaiian storytelling -- it becomes new in every moment you are together.
Really gorgeous writing, I am a hopeless romantic :) mahalo for this. Izzy

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Thank you for this beautiful expression and your words, Izzy. Made me smile :)
I'm glad you l.. read more
Island Hippy

7 Months Ago

You're welcome.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Well.... that was something

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Ahh well.. Thank you for your words 😊
Absolutely charming! :) Julie

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind words, Julie. Appreciate it 😊
Ooooo a very sweet (& cheesy) write! ;) I thought this flowed wonderfully and provoked such beautiful images! :)

Posted 7 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Oh lol I'm still waiting for your 'cheesy' one 😉😂
Thank you, Kesha! I'm glad you liked.. read more
Kesha

7 Months Ago

You're welcome & thanks for reminding me lol I completely forgot! I will work on it tomorrow morning.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

7 Months Ago

Cool! 😉😊

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Added on April 17, 2017
Last Updated on August 7, 2017


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Karachi, Sindh, Pakistan



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