Heaven on Earth

Heaven on Earth

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Free Verse...

"
                           
Heaven on Earth

All attempts at saving my heart
 from the inevitable failed.
And I fell headfirst 
into the pool of your charms.

You wove a spell, 
surrounded me with your words
and I, helpless
at the magic that was cast...

beckoning me into 
the warmth of your touch,
which makes my heart aflutter,
leaving me restless
and wildly so, 
as I await your next touch 
and the traces 
it leaves on my slightly moist skin, 
anticipating
as to the wonders we have 
yet to discover...

I delve deeper, 
not knowing 
where it would lead us,
and with the belief only 
that it will be okay as long as 
we're together...

I smile as our hands intertwine
and it feels already like
Heaven on Earth...


© 2018 Dr. YumnaKay


Author's Note

Dr. YumnaKay
Just words...

My Review

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Featured Review

Absolutely beautiful. This is one of those rare pieces that successfully captures a moment's beauty in its essence, and pulls the reader into every detail. I envisioned this like an emotional scene in a movie, with both the action and feeling prevalent throughout. Great job at creating that effect.

A minor quibble: The line "which makes my heart aflutter" took me out of the moment for some reason. Not sure why. Suggestion: making my heart aflutter.

- William Liston

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Thank you for appreciating, William. I'm glad that effect carried out well.
As for your sugg.. read more



Reviews

Oh what a beautiful feeling and the place shared by two heaven on Earth- where time and live and promises are forever more- wonderful words🌹

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

5 Years Ago

Thank you so much for appreciating this old piece of mine. Seems like a long time since I wrote it a.. read more
Absolutely beautiful. This is one of those rare pieces that successfully captures a moment's beauty in its essence, and pulls the reader into every detail. I envisioned this like an emotional scene in a movie, with both the action and feeling prevalent throughout. Great job at creating that effect.

A minor quibble: The line "which makes my heart aflutter" took me out of the moment for some reason. Not sure why. Suggestion: making my heart aflutter.

- William Liston

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Thank you for appreciating, William. I'm glad that effect carried out well.
As for your sugg.. read more
i love the vibe this poem gives me!! the words you used were perfectly descriptive. Such a lovely poem!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Thank you. Glad you like it. I appreciate your words here 😊
omg it's so nice you can't believe it!
i like your writings but this one is so amazing.
Keep it up!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Thank you, Jessy. Glad you liked it. That's very nice of you to say 😊
The strongest aspect of this poem is its ideas, they are well expressed and contain substance. My major criticism for this piece would be punctuation, there are many places where it is not needed or uses the wrong punctuation (most notably the liberal use of semicolons). There are also a few places where punctuation is needed. Overall this piece does average, though if the grammatical errors weren't present this would have received an 83 rather than a 75. All in all don't let that discourage you, and keep up the good work.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Strange cause I learned exactly the opposite. Usually the reader does not know where exactly to paus.. read more
Michael Iam Bone

6 Years Ago

It's about finding a balance between too much and too little
Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Hmm true...
Kind and gentle journey leading to proper and hopeful ending.
"I smile as our hands intertwine;
and it feels already like
Heaven on Earth..."
The above lines. A place, we need to know often in a lifetime. Thank you dear friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Thank you for your appreciation, Coyote. Glad you like it 😊
Coyote Poetry

6 Years Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.
Sorry to hear you've contracted this disease despite the innoculations.:)
This is lovely. I wish I'd written this to a certain someone back in the day.
:)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

lol that means it's bad :p
Tony Jordan

6 Years Ago

haha - no it's very sprititual...
And you remind me of the main character - Fiver.
Qui.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

haha yeah eccentric I can do with :p
Aloha YumnaKay,
He kehau ho`oma`ema`e ke aloha -- love is like a cleansing mist... this is a traditional expression of love in Hawaiian storytelling -- it becomes new in every moment you are together.
Really gorgeous writing, I am a hopeless romantic :) mahalo for this. Izzy

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Thank you for this beautiful expression and your words, Izzy. Made me smile :)
I'm glad you l.. read more
Island Hippy

6 Years Ago

You're welcome.
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Well.... that was something

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Ahh well.. Thank you for your words 😊
Absolutely charming! :) Julie

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

6 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words, Julie. Appreciate it 😊

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Added on April 17, 2017
Last Updated on April 22, 2018


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom



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