I am ~ unraveling

I am ~ unraveling

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Experimental... probably...

"
​I wonder about​ the music, the sound of your soul - deep voice which fills me in
 
I wonder about the silence, more profound than your soft, nuzzling whispers which brush past

I wonder about the electrifying stares, fiery glances and the meaning they carry right over to me 

I wonder about the embrace which used to envelope me and now seems lost;


wandering alone --- I am ~ unraveling. 





© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay



My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Yumna Hi. I like the lyricism and flow in this. And I really like the way the final line almost sums up the others and reaches the conclusion that matches the title.

I do, however, question the core word 'wonder'. To me this word has always been imagination of what-ifs, exciting possibilities, etc. You seem to be using it to reflect back. So for me, this is dissonant. Just me being too literal again ....!

BRs Nigel

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

I appreciate your being literal, Nigel. I think you are right about that word choice. What I had in .. read more
Nigel Newman

1 Year Ago

I think it could be a trawl through the thesaurus for a single word verb to replace 'wonder' ...! It.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

I'll certainly go through it then :) thanks again :)


Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

Reviews

Agree with Nigel Newman about the lyricism and flow. I would, however, keep "wonder" except for the last line, then use "wander" to emphasize the journey of unraveling.
Nicely done.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

That is indeed a nice suggestion. Thank you for that and for appreciating, CC :)
How the sounds and silences come and speak into our souls so deeply from those we love. Yet, this unraveling feels so painfully cold, threads of your life being pulled apart. In the wondering may you find a peace, somehow, dear poet.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your words here, Craig. I appreciate it. Glad to see you around :)
An owl on the moon

1 Year Ago

Glad you're still planting your garden here. :)
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

And you too :-)
So many questions, so many whys ...
We sometimes are left wondering
forever ................
about Love..

Soft-Real- Honest

JAZZY



Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Oh, INTJ is actually my personality type. Idk if you know about the MBTI personality tests?.. And Ca.. read more
J. J.  Nightingale

1 Year Ago

OHHHHHHH.. Thank you !!!!!!!
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

You're welcome :))
oh wow, i remember this well, the cold stares, the flinching when i reached for her hand...and the silences that were deafening.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Deafening silences, yes exactly... More powerful than some noises.. Thank you, Jacob. I appreciate y.. read more
You nailed the point of the writing malarkey here Yumna. You connect so well here.
The overt wistfulness is tempered by the emotion beautifully.
Superb!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Hahah well since you've now told what the movie is about so I don't have to see 😛😉
And.. read more
Tony Jordan

1 Year Ago

Damn ! I forgot to include ***WARNING SPOILER*** lol. But who doesnt know what happened to the Tita.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

I know the real version not the movie one lol probably they died haha :p
I loved the piece. I picture a person sitting there, kind of mesmerized by someone. Someone they've known a while I think. Captured the feeling you were trying to put out well, I felt something for sure, a wondering... Thanks for sharing!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Damien. I think you summarized what I tried to convey really nicely. I'm glad you felt it.. read more
Yumna Hi. I like the lyricism and flow in this. And I really like the way the final line almost sums up the others and reaches the conclusion that matches the title.

I do, however, question the core word 'wonder'. To me this word has always been imagination of what-ifs, exciting possibilities, etc. You seem to be using it to reflect back. So for me, this is dissonant. Just me being too literal again ....!

BRs Nigel

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

I appreciate your being literal, Nigel. I think you are right about that word choice. What I had in .. read more
Nigel Newman

1 Year Ago

I think it could be a trawl through the thesaurus for a single word verb to replace 'wonder' ...! It.. read more
Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

I'll certainly go through it then :) thanks again :)
Such an elegant, realistic and emotional poem!
As it embraces the readers into the story just like an envelope...
Well done Yumna, keep it up!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Shaan. I'm glad you like it 😊
Mr.Writer

1 Year Ago

No problem :)
Wistful, questioning changes in a relationship..,"Unraveling"-great title expressive of the poet's turmoil. Elegant words and gentle flow. Lovely poem.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

1 Year Ago

Thank you, Annette. Always appreciate your words 😊

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

571 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on July 2, 2017
Last Updated on August 7, 2017

Experimental Poetry


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Pakistan



About
Just someone trying to blend in with the writing world and still trying to hold my own. P.S I do not respond to read requests unless they particularly appeal to me in some way, neith.. more..

Writing
Quatervois Quatervois

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Ephemeral Ephemeral

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay