Serpentine

Serpentine

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Experimental.

"
it must be
the dead of the night
when your silence shrieked,

travelling its way
through my sleep
and I woke perspiring;

thoughts coiled around me
their arms serpentine; suffocating,
the fleeting silence loomed

and I wondered over the cause
of your untimely
reappearance ...



© 2017 Dr. YumnaKay



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Featured Review

elegant phraseology and vivid word play that is evocative of
one’s past darkness/person...thought to be locked in hidden compartments of the mind, but they show up uninvited.
subtle sense of dread, that inevitably will come to pass
you’re able to create a sense of mystery for the reader, without indulging too much into details as to why, that lingers upon the reader’s imagination

beautifully worded piece :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your appreciation of this piece, ms. barrie. I'm glad you like it. Truly mean.. read more



Reviews

it happens...part of the beauty of a very well synchronized 'chaos'. I adored the darkish imagery

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

10 Months Ago

I like how you described it. Thank you so much for your words here :)
elegant phraseology and vivid word play that is evocative of
one’s past darkness/person...thought to be locked in hidden compartments of the mind, but they show up uninvited.
subtle sense of dread, that inevitably will come to pass
you’re able to create a sense of mystery for the reader, without indulging too much into details as to why, that lingers upon the reader’s imagination

beautifully worded piece :)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your appreciation of this piece, ms. barrie. I'm glad you like it. Truly mean.. read more
*Welcome to "Pure Rhymes" Thanks for joining, great to have you...!*

Now this felt like a proper slithering of sly intentions...

I felt silence as a looming shadow, and always tremble when the past spits things at me repeatedly...


Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

:p I doubt if I'll be contributing regarding rhyming haha I suck at it lol but it's a pleasure being.. read more
Silente

11 Months Ago

Is it not all rhyming! Just writing... You more than excel at that... But yes... Positive and nice i.. read more
Smiling at the last two phrases.. words and/or deeds have a habit of appearing when least expected.. often for their own benefit! Your words are a dream come nightmare, a move from comfort to distress, perhaps. As ever you place your thoughts by way of superb language, Yumna.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Not when it's people who keep reappearing, I'd say... Thank you so much for your words here, Em. Alw.. read more
emmajoy

11 Months Ago

Pull up a drawbridge, dear you...go dance on ceiling out of reach.. tralalalahhh, Is an essential, h.. read more
Nicely spooky idea woven with strong imagery that reflects a scary feeling. It seems to me that you are mixing tenses of your verbs . . . some present tense, some past tense . . . but this isn't distracting from your overall scene. Good job of showing instead of telling . . . and the reader can finish this with some fleeting idea from one's baddest nightmares! Who's reappearance would spook out your night the most? your message seems to ask . . . (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

I originally wrote this in the present tense but somehow it didn't feel right so I switched to the p.. read more
barleygirl

11 Months Ago

I often get tangled in tenses, as I try to decide which one to use! *wink! wink!* I'm glad my spooky.. read more
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BBP
I really liked this one yumna... had a darkness to it and gave perfect imagery of the feelings you were trying to portray

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Thank you, Bev. I appreciate your words here (:
Good pace and the slow strangulation is conveyed well Yumna.
One could feel the anxiety ratcheting up.
Always check the bed for snake-eyed critters before getting into to it, I say!
;)

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

;P hahah well what if they come after I get in? lol
thank you for your words here, Tony. Alwa.. read more
There's a good flow to this poem. It was the suspenseful build up of horror, and I could practically feel the suffocation. And then the last stanza tie up the poem with the metaphor.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your words here and for appreciating, Clifford. Glad you like it (:
I agree, it's dark but it still has this weird dark romance that makes me want to read more :) Good job

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Gullia, thank you! Glad to have written something haunting for a change, and seeing as it's hallowee.. read more
Things I liked best about this:

First, the use of the word "serpentine". Not only is it suffocating, it is also slick, sneaky, and when you finally notice it, shocking.

Second, the phrase "silence shrieked". Shrill, sharp, and sudden. I think a shriek really does suit the sudden emergence from sleep.

(IDK why I use many s-words in this review. It was spontaneous. I must have been inspired by the snake.)

I agree it's haunting.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

11 Months Ago

Thank you for such an honest review and sharing what you liked about this piece. I really appreciate.. read more

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Added on October 26, 2017
Last Updated on November 3, 2017

Experimental Poetry


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Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

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