CARVED ON THE TREE...

CARVED ON THE TREE...

A Poem by zaisham9393

CARVED ON

 THE TREE


 Related image

 

Some moments are so precious

Still so vivid

Every time I come here

It reminds me of us

Standing there waiting for the bus

  

The sun so warm

I could read my name

On the palm of your hand

The place we used to meet

At the end of that street

  

Sitting under the shade of the tree

All I wonder is; do you miss me?

Yesterday is history; Life is a mystery

Who knows what will come your way?

But moments like this always stay

 

So thank you for making me smile

And walking by me for a while

Life carries on, those days are long gone

There was so much; we’ve been through

Hiding stuff our parents wouldn’t approve of

 

When I see names carved into a tree

Makes me think of you and me

How we fall in love so blindly and madly

And I will always wish the best for you

Somehow we lost it; but I will never forget you.

 


© 2016 zaisham9393



Author's Note

zaisham9393
HOPE YOU LIKE IT
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THANK YOU :)!

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Featured Review

This brings out many nostalgic feelings of those moments in time that always remain in blessed remembrance. I find this phrase unusual & thought-provoking: "the future is history" . . . hmmm . . . still thinking about how this could be!??!

Your rhymes work for this piece, but in a few places, the message feels a little bit simplified to get the rhyme . . . maybe such phrases could be more sophisticated or original: "who knows what will come your way, moments like this always stay" . . . "life carries on, those days are long gone"

Also, I'd like to see more in the poem to reflect the title.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
zaisham9393

1 Year Ago

To be very honest, your reviews are genuinely helpful to me.So thank You so much for that :))!



Reviews

Took me back to the old days where I was so crushed!! Thank you for letting me turn the pages of the past.

Posted 1 Year Ago


makes me think about the past, but in a good way. we will always miss some things about the past to an extent. love how the poem flows. i enjoyed reading it. thanks for the share:)

Posted 1 Year Ago


I like how whenever I read all your writing that I can actually feel the emotion and passion behind it. This is one of many pieces of yours I'd love to see be unleashed out in the real world. Because raw talent like this shouldn't just be for us readers on this cite. I loved your poem, the rhyming worked perfectly and your usage of words is amazing.
"So thank you for making me smile"
Aphy!

Posted 1 Year Ago


good read, flowed very well.

Posted 1 Year Ago


This is another interesting and attention-grabbing poem. A lovely piece to read. You have vast potential and can do better than this. Keep writing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


I agree with one reviewer down below that things within this could be made more sophisticated as to be more unique to you. Simplicity works in certain areas, but at times this could feel like anyone's story. Truth be told, that's also a good thing. Definitely nailed that emotion of nostalgia for me, and the feeling of a strong relationship suddenly losing its power and ending before we knew it was happening. Remembering old good memories, and wishing them the best. Our names carved on a tree, the lettering fading with time. If you wrote about names fading away on a tree over time, that'd be a visual way to describe it without resorting to cliched phrases and the cheesy romance lines we see in a movie like the notebook lol. But, if that's you that's you. You've got a talent for emotional relateability! Also if you're going for a rhyme scheme which it seems you do, better stick with it so you don't disrupt the flow. Only quit the rhyme when you have a good reason for it.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

zaisham9393

1 Year Ago

I haven't seen the movie''the notebook''...but definitely sounds my type..lol
Thank You so mu.. read more
lovely poem !!! as always ...........
your poem are always great and beautiful

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautiful expression. We each have such moments, which then become life long memories.

Regards
Rach

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very beautiful. Flows very nicely. Images come through clearly. Wonderful expression of a couple together. Now I wonder how it was lost. Nice job.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very nicely done. Flows easy and brings images to the mind. Very relatable as well, great job

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 23, 2015
Last Updated on June 9, 2016

Author

zaisham9393
zaisham9393

About
Hi, I am Zaisha. Well, I would start by saying that writing is one of my passions, and a way to cope with feeling overwhelmed. Also, I have been working on improving my writing skills and this woul.. more..

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A Poem by zaisham9393



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