WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?

A Poem by zaisham9393
"

''abused''...

"


WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?




Now that it's over

Look, what you did to her?

You know you never cared

and you were never there

Don't call her your friend

Cause lies won't bring her back

 

You abused her when...

She could not defend herself

She was so scared

Cause you threatened her

You gave her lies and scars

 

Must be too ashamed

To confess all your sins

For taking something 

You can't bring back anything

Her innocence; her smile

 

You left her broken

You ignored her pain

You just made it worse

When she was pleading

And you left her bleeding

 

How did that feel?

To see her suffer; to see her die

Do you still believe it was a lie?

Now that she is gone forever

Does it make you feel better?

 

Why are you so mean?

You took advantage of her

When she told you that secret

That filled her with regret

When you broke her trust

 

All you did was judge her

Did you forget; the things you said

That she is just pretending

and she is just a drama queen

Nothing gives you right to be mean

 

She won't be back now

Cause she left for good

She tried to explain

But no one understood

And maybe no one would

 

There is no use for explanation

And keep your pure intentions

Those tears, love and affection

You try to show when you see

 her lifeless body

 

She will haunt you forever

She knows all you have done

She knows you, she hasn’t forgiven yet

She knows you are the selfish one

She knows that all you can do is run

 

Maybe this world wasn’t for her

And that's when they'll realize

She was just an angel

And angels belong to paradise.



© 2016 zaisham9393



Author's Note

zaisham9393
INSPIRED BY A SONG...
HOPE YOU LIKE IT
READ/RATE/REVIEW/SHARE
THANK YOU :)!

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Featured Review

That was really good and I think you got the message over even if it doesn't feel so strong and powerful (maybe something you can work on). One thing that caught my eye quiet much is that you never really said what happened, maybe if you had that it would be a lot more powerful.
Another thing is that you didn't really stay in a rhyming pattern and so the reading wasn't flowing.
Good write.. well done!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I really love this. It touches you and makes you want to see things from others perspectives.
Im also curious, what song inspired this?

Posted 1 Year Ago


In a way, I felt like it was directed at me (due to my past experiences). Like... almost like I was the one you were talking to. Then, I also felt like I was reading a piece about me. Like I was the girl. Once a beautiful rose, now left dead from someone else's negligence. Really touching piece, safe to say I connected on a deep level with it. And I really enjoyed reading each and every line.
Aphy!

Posted 1 Year Ago


A rather long poem,i am a lazy person by the way but i did read to the end & nice work

Posted 1 Year Ago


That was really good and I think you got the message over even if it doesn't feel so strong and powerful (maybe something you can work on). One thing that caught my eye quiet much is that you never really said what happened, maybe if you had that it would be a lot more powerful.
Another thing is that you didn't really stay in a rhyming pattern and so the reading wasn't flowing.
Good write.. well done!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Barley girl captures my thoughts to a T on this one. You did well with the true to life sentiments and relating to the human emotions of your audience. However, this comes off more as a rant piece rather than reading as poetry. It's direct, and it's blunt. Blunt can be a great way to state things but in writing often times the most powerful thoughts and feelings come to us in a visualization, a description. It could be the words two of our favorite characters say to each other, or perhaps what they don't say to each other that lingers in the subtext. By being so stone cold direct, you lose a lot of power. This doesn't strike me as something memorable. Important for you, important for you to write what inspires you and jot down the thoughts you need to.

For an example. Let's say you wrote a piece about the chaotic stream of dreams, and you wrote something like:
"I dreamt something terrible last night,
It chilled me and left me cold
With regret and I'll always be awake."

You know what would be more powerful than that, by quite a bit? What if you inserted a single, simple line. Something like: "I shot my father last night"

Don't underestimate the power of imagery. What you feel can make itself far more present.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

zaisham9393

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much for the review.This was very helpful dearest friend:).
I LOVE the end of this poem.. it was very intriguing and I enjoyed the distinct and different rhythm. Thank you for sharing this poem... It is sad and painful and reminds us all to be kind. Keep up your beautiful words!!! < 3

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the selective rhyming in this! It's unique! Well done.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really loved the ending of this poem.

"Maybe this world wasn’t for her
And that's when they'll realize
She was just an angel
And angels belong to paradise."

This conclusion was wonderful and speaks to the darkness of the world. It can be a cold, dark place. I appreciate the message of your poem, speaking out against all types of abuse. Very important! Thank you for sharing:)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

BRAVO! Exquisitely written...and well stated...the pain and effects of abuse are communicated very well....we can only hope the perpetrators feel shame, but who knows.......Great write!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This poem is certainly a very nice piece. The gravity of the situation has been presented in a lovely manner. The ending must be praised specifically. It is well-thought, clever and witty. Keep writing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on November 16, 2015
Last Updated on June 12, 2016

Author

zaisham9393
zaisham9393

About
Hi, I am Zaisha. Well, I would start by saying that writing is one of my passions, and a way to cope with feeling overwhelmed. Also, I have been working on improving my writing skills and this woul.. more..

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