i bite my lip to red

and remember

fear i felt so long ago it doesn’t matter

i was a kid

and i faced a monster

a stranger

eleven feet tall, yelling

threatening

the picture of overpower

no one was there to protect me

so i yelled back

wounded in battle, i staggered up and yelled again

screamed, really

that he could fight me forever

and i would never quite die

i was bluffing

it didn’t matter

needless to say, i didn’t die

and even through the nebulous time that’s passed since then,

i’m alive

somehow

no one was there to protect me

so i bite my nails now instead

you are stong

we’re not kids anymore

not really

but in some discordant way

robotic fingers of time still hold the strings

of my marionette psyche

still tie my stomach in bows

still hold me around the neck

frightened robotic fingers with needle point tips

reach up out to you

you are strong

you are strong because i am not

battle wounds, you know

so i’ll tack on to you

nine paces behind

tell me what to do

tell me what i’m supposed to do

because i can’t do it again

 i can't do it over again