The first three lines are pretty accurate. The last line is a massive over exaggeration but I just couldn't resist! I guess that's why they call it poetic license.
Warm honey, her voice flows into me:
This heartbeat cries it's sweet refrain.
This face her shining eyes don't see
Must mask it's deep abiding pain.
Those honeyed tones get you every time. This is really well done. I don't think you could have said more without taking away the essence of it. It fits so well into four lines.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thanks, Acoustic. It's a bit over the top but it rang true to me and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks.. read moreThanks, Acoustic. It's a bit over the top but it rang true to me and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review. much appreciated!
Thanks Trish, glad you enjoyed it. Its basically mid life crisis meets teen angst. Excuse me, I need.. read moreThanks Trish, glad you enjoyed it. Its basically mid life crisis meets teen angst. Excuse me, I need to go buy a beret now.
How true! But somehow I dont think I'll be tasting this particular honey. But c'est la vie, as they.. read moreHow true! But somehow I dont think I'll be tasting this particular honey. But c'est la vie, as they say!
Very emotive, beautifully written. Great for "first experiment" - enjoy rhyming poetry :-)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you very much. It certainly is emotive! I was surprised at how difdicult rhyming poetry is to .. read moreThank you very much. It certainly is emotive! I was surprised at how difdicult rhyming poetry is to write but wnjoyed rhe process and am pleased you liked it too.
well i gotta say this one kept me thinking for a while, nice poem by the way
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thanks mate, it's my first experiment with rhyming poetry. The subject matter is a bit sad but I thi.. read moreThanks mate, it's my first experiment with rhyming poetry. The subject matter is a bit sad but I think we've all been there. I'm glad you enjoyed it.