Life and other messes I've made so far.

I've always pushed people away. It's something I can honestly say was more like a natural reflex, as soon as somebody got close, I panicked and wanted to protect myself. From what? You might ask. From pain. From heartache. From bitterness. And what did it get me in return, all of the above. Love. Or the state of mind you're in when you're in love has always panicked me aswell. What was the point in giving your all to someone to watch them rip it to shreds and walk away anyway. My relationships, either romantic or not, have for the past few years been difficult to say the least. Romantic wise they were very difficult, the word love itself sent me into a panic, it made me feel sick and for the life of me if I ever tried to tell someone I loved them, true or not, it would come out in a jumbled stuttered mess and to be frank I didn't mind this; my stuttered mess only protecting me from months of heart ache, or like stated earlier, so I thought. My whole view not only on life but love as well has gone to the complete opposite. Life is amazing, don't let your past drag you down. Fall in love with whoever you want, be cautious yes: but don't completely push people away. I can honestly say I am in love and whatever happens in the future, well I can worry about it then. Now is what matters.