Jay J Jeter

Jay J Jeter

"

I'm new

"
www.myspace.com/dreams_and_ashes
Santa Rosa, CA
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About Me

35 years old. Married with two daughters & one on the way.


Comments

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Posted 13 Years Ago


Hey Jay, I'll check it out! Good to meet you.

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Posted 13 Years Ago


I tried to review your story but that wouldn't work, and neither would the email feature. So, this is what I wrote:

This is a great prologue. It's very intriguing and has my curiosity well roused. However, it's almost too much. About 2/3rds of the way through I started to wonder if there was going to be more detail given or not. It's too general, like reading the back cover of a book over and over. Perhaps if you give more detail about Chinet, or even use her name sooner and more, it would help. Also there are quite a few sentences that play with the tenses a bit, going from past to present or vice versa. It kept snagging the flow for me when that happened.
Perhaps you could even name another character or two, and even give some scenery description, it would help the feel of this piece. Are they still living in caves? What is the time frame? Is this supposed to be a world similar to Earth? What kind of world have they created after the destruction, one with technology or one more barren?

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Posted 13 Years Ago



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Posted 13 Years Ago


Good afternoon!


Have you heard of �mapping�? It is a technique, to develop fictional writing. Mostly used for story/novel writing, but it can also be applied to poetry. It is a great way to develop your creativity and find new sources of inspiration.

Underground Writers Network ~ Challenge #11

Have fun!

Love,


Val J.



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Posted 13 Years Ago


welcome to the asylum