Lanina

My name is Lanina. Most people think I am a stuck up preppy b***h which at times I can be. I won't lie, but you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. On the outside it looks like I am strong willed and confident but the truth is I'm not. I'm always scared of criticism and what people think. There are mistakes in my life that I wish I could undo but you can't go back in time you can only go forward. I've done the best I can in life and if it's not good enough for you then go away and never come back. I am adopted. I've tried to contact my adoptive parents but they don't want to see me, they looked me in the eye and said that. No one seems to understand how I feel not even the person closest to my heart, Steven, my boyfriend. I'm so lost at times and not sure what to do with my life. I feel distant from my family all the time and I can't take it. I always wonder what my life would have been like if my biological parents hadn't given me up. I've tried cutting myself but I could never go as far as getting the blade to slice my skin. I'm weak. The other thing I have tried is drinking but waking up in the morning not remembering what happened the night before is torture. I could have been taken advantage of but I'll never know because of my terrible mistakes. So that's why I am here. To pour my heart out and trying to keep myself going each and every day.