Enter The Shredder Forum A Black Box Unread

O.K.

tare it a new A hole. I promise I won't cry. Think Piniata! Bam Bam Boom!

Long after the crash you will be searching for me,
my black box unread like a riddle
without the Rosetta stone.

This letter is not a disclaimer to my life
but a footnote to an event - my suicide.

Gravity may be courting me as you read this,
her pull a passion I could not deny -
and though I am not her first
she will be my last
for the waters below the Golden Gate Bridge
will be my kiss goodnight.

It is a choice they call insane -
a sin they say to defile this Godly frame
and I laugh to think they made it so
to keep good Christians from rushing heaven's gates.

We go there at our own pace,
if I choose to go express I am but one less.

I could not conform to the box
watching as millions found a fit
in apparent happiness.

You know I was never one for fashion,
the social contortionist.

He�ll play twister
even if it breaks his wrist,
but I was never that flexible
or easily bent.

Am I the only painter
in a paint by numbers world?

When we've been dealt a bad hand
and we're smart about the game
we call that folding;
when we�ve run out of money
and we know our limits
we call that quitting.

Both are true to me.

I haven�t the cards to play their game
and I haven�t the capital to keep trying.

I will not mourn the living;
do not mourn the dead.


Well, Marco, I've just posted a revision I did for you to look over. Fixed your typos (I know you're notorious for them lol), and mainly lineated this differently, inserting more strophe breaks as I think it was too cluttered up.

The other problem I had were all the changes of perspective... too sudden at times... but I think breaking this up more addressed this problem.

Up to you, but that's my two cents :)

I really enjoyed this. I found that it was well written and everything. There was a line that I had to re-read a couple of times:
if I choose to go express I am but one less.
I think it is like if I want to go and leave earth, it is just one less person here on earth to take up space.
I think that the black box in your title is the box you are burried in. Though, I'm not sure if I like the title. I don't know why, it is a good title, I just dont know if I like it.
Another question I had while reading this is what is Rosetta Stone? I have no clue.
I am a sucker for guessing, and I don't like how bluntly you state this is a suicide note, and right near the beginning.
Overall, I did like it, but I decided to put some somewhat harsh critisim into it.
S.k.
That's the comment I was going to post on your page, then I remembered you had this place for comments too. I might poast it on your actually page with the poem too though. Great job.
S.k.

Thanks for the great reviews.

I adjusted the stanza format. Thanks Jase.

As to the title, It reffers to the black box of an airplane. That first line is an allusion to the crash of an airplane. The flight presumably is the fall from jumping of a bridge, the second line continues that metaphor with the search as the police have to at least make an effort to recover the body even thought the currents and the sharks under the bridge make it a long shot that the body would be found.

As to Rosetta Stone - it is an allusion to the stone Napoleons army found in Egypt that had Egyptian Greek and Summarian written on it, each langauge was atranslation of the same text. The stone aloud archeologist decypher the meaning of the hieroglyphs.

Thanks again for the great reviews.

Just read the Black Box Unread -- sorry it took so long for me. I hadn't been on much. I really liked it. I especially liked the phrase 'social contortionist' -- says a lot with just two words you know... I think there should be another stanza between the "social contortionist" stanza and the next. Sort of make the transition better. Maybe it was the I to we jump that was a bit of a leap, but overall it flows well. I see it as a splice of time. Right before the person jumps.
Simply breathtaking.

PS Why is my name with profile showing up on the group page? 'Tis really embarrassing with me hardly on... ::biggrin::

Hey thanks all for the great reviews. I am very appreciative. I wonder who will be next?