Poetic Infusion Society : Forum : You can't stay. (My poem looki..

You can't stay. (My poem looking for feedback

4 Months Ago

You cant stay in a broken home Settle in my teeth cover with foam Whats love a tragedy you feel in your bones I dont believe in a scattered belief Bloody eyes poke thru wet leafs Addicted to something thats non existent Swallow by it you wont risk it You got a salty taste You can lay in the ruins and waste Blue hills dairies and staircase Two cobras attach Thousand sumerian legions dispatch She dances on my tongue Eyes of fog with the head of a warthog
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Re: You can't stay. (My poem looking for feedback

2 Months Ago

idk if this is a problem with the journal format or whatever, but maybe try adding some punctuation or line formatting! you have a lot of very rich, powerful, interesting imagery and giving your poem a strong beat and flow to fit with that will make it very powerful!